Borrowed from Tony Robbins' Date With Destiny, and Spiral Dynamics by Don Edward Beck and Christopher C. Cowan.
Consciousness can be simply defined as who and what you care about consistently through time.
Quest 1 - Beige - The search for automatic physiological satisfaction - Survival / Instinct Driven
Quest 2 - Purple - The search for a safe mode of living - Tribal Order
Quest 3 - Red - The search for heroic status: power and glory - Power God
Quest 4 - Blue - The search for ultimate peace - Order & The Absolute
Quest 5 - Orange - The search for material pleasure - Striver-Driver / Achiever
Quest 6 - Green - The search for affectionate relations - Socially Conscious
Quest 7 - Yellow - The search for respect of self - Integrated / Flex Flow
Quest 8 - Turquoise - The search for peace in an incomprehensible world - An Awakened Soul
Egocentric - Beige to Red
Ethocentric - Blue to Orange
Worldcentric - Green
Spiritcentric - Yellow to Turquoise
Different parts of the personality may be on different quests. So professionally a person may be orange, red in their private life, and purple on the sports field. Under stress we tend to descend.
This strikes me as very similar to model that Alan Jamieson expounds in Churchless Faith.
Category 1 - Displaced Followers (Purple to Blue)
Category 2 - Reflective Exiles (Blue to Green)
Category 3 - Transitional Explorers (Orange to Green)
Category 4 - Integrated Way-finders (Green to Yellow)
And also to James Fowler's Stages of faith model.
Stage 1 Intuitive-Projective faith - Beige, Purple
Stage 2 Mythic-Literal faith - Purple, Red
Stage 3 Synthetic-Conventional faith - Red, Blue
Stage 4 Individuative-Reflective faith - Blue, Orange
Stage 5 Conjunctive faith - Green, Yellow
Stage 6 Sainthood - Yellow, Turquoise
Some observations to ponder. In quests 1-6 people often perceive others on different quests as the enemy, for example the conservative evangelical church (blue) sees the catholic church (purple), the church growth movement (orange), the prosperity gospel (orange), emerging church movement (green) as the enemies. You just need to surf blog space to see this in comic contrast.
At stage 7 there is recognition that the dynamics through and between the various stages is part of the growing process. Could this be the process of the seals, trumpets and bowls described in the book of revelation.
To relate this to the emergent church, I suspect that it is a Green organization, as would be postmodernism. One of the defining perspectives of Greens is their anti-structure stance which ultimately is self destructive and a Green then has to move to Yellow or remain forever ineffective. So the dynamic between different churches is necessary and we at all stages work in unison to propel each other onwards. The is perfection in the apparent imperfection.
Embarking on the different quests is the heart of discipleship. It is possible to grow. It is possible to grow faster than many imagine. It is possible to grow intentionally. This is the heart of the spiritual disciplines. We have accepted too many glass ceilings and have learned a helplessness that has infected our hearts and souls. We can be different and mature but we must stop looking to the magical to mystically transport us to sainthood. We must inhibit our desire to process skip. We must stop asking God for a free ride and engage with him on the transformation of our lives. For many this will fee like salvation or sanctification by works however the Yellow and Turquoise perspective can see the hand of God and Man intimately interrelated working together.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
I'm not broken
Last night, after a good Alexander Technique lesson, it all of a sudden dawned on me that in fact I am not broken and that I don't need fixing. Ahhhhhh. Sound's obvious right but you see I've been told all my life that I am broken and do need fixing. But I now realise it is just not true. ;o)
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
A very hard question
God created us with a something that Christian's call the sinful nature - supposedly a destructive element of our psychology. I am wondering what was the original purpose of this part of ourselves?
Monday, November 21, 2005
A Loving Father
"One thing we do know: Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment." – A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, p41.
Wow. I had never really thought that God was THAT interested in my life.
Wow. I had never really thought that God was THAT interested in my life.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Summary of Romans
If we define sin as living a fearful life and being plagued by the consequences of living in fear, and sinlessness as living in freedom from fear enjoying the faith of Abraham and receiving all the benefits of living fearlessly, then Jesus died so to eliminate the barrier that had thus far prevented us from making the transition and He was raised from the dead to demonstrate the quality of the fearless life. Law is based on fear and belongs to the prior life, grace is based on love and freedom from fear and belongs to the latter life. With this perspective why would we ever choose to live under the law rather than grace? The habit of living in fear takes practice to break but it is possible to break. Let us therefore live in grace. Thanks be to God. ;o)
Friday, November 11, 2005
Disadvantage of Inerrancy #2
It encourages us to see the bible as primary truth.
I agree with John Francke that theology is a second order discipline. That means that it is a process of reflection rather than observation. Science is more about the observable. Theology is about the unobservable.
I would go further and say that the bible is a second order text. Inspired but reflective. It captures observation and constructs a reflective story.
The driving values of inerrancy are to counter scientific argument against religion however to attempt to construct a set of first order observations about a reflective text is total nonsense. In the extreme.
It leads us to deny the empirical. It leads us to spend enormous amounts of intellectual energy creating systems of thought, which is no mean task, centred around a poem. There is no reflective truth. Reflection is conjecture. And as the domain of the empirical expands the reflective must yield ground. However it must also hold its boundaries against unmerited attack from those observers who desire power. Policy must be informed from both perspectives.
The bible is one supreme example of how to reflect in a manner that is sympathetic to our humanity, to creation and to the infinite and eternal. Biblical reflection is example of best practice though clearly uninformed by our current domain of knowledge. Let us instead of trying to assert the infinite bounds of our observation on the bibical reflection let us be aware of these differences and follow the example of the biblical writers in practising good reflection.
I agree with John Francke that theology is a second order discipline. That means that it is a process of reflection rather than observation. Science is more about the observable. Theology is about the unobservable.
I would go further and say that the bible is a second order text. Inspired but reflective. It captures observation and constructs a reflective story.
The driving values of inerrancy are to counter scientific argument against religion however to attempt to construct a set of first order observations about a reflective text is total nonsense. In the extreme.
It leads us to deny the empirical. It leads us to spend enormous amounts of intellectual energy creating systems of thought, which is no mean task, centred around a poem. There is no reflective truth. Reflection is conjecture. And as the domain of the empirical expands the reflective must yield ground. However it must also hold its boundaries against unmerited attack from those observers who desire power. Policy must be informed from both perspectives.
The bible is one supreme example of how to reflect in a manner that is sympathetic to our humanity, to creation and to the infinite and eternal. Biblical reflection is example of best practice though clearly uninformed by our current domain of knowledge. Let us instead of trying to assert the infinite bounds of our observation on the bibical reflection let us be aware of these differences and follow the example of the biblical writers in practising good reflection.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Palm Springs
Im going to be in Palm Springs, Ca from 2nd Dec to the 9th Dec. Do any of my friends live anywhere near there?
Saturday, November 05, 2005
A better definition of sin
I grasping at straws here.
Sin is the gap between the ideal loving behaviour and actual behaviour. The ideal loving behaviour is what is best for everyone - Self and Other - borne out of love.
The sinful nature is the part of us that pulls us towards self-centred behaviour without regard for others. It is motivated by desire, want or lust. Want is the fear that I don't have everything I need. If I trust then I know that all that I need is provided for me. The sinful nature is a feeling that I don't have rather than an actuality. Hence a poor man might be rich, a rich man poor, a rich man rich or a poor man poor. Since the sinful nature is based on fear it tends to be irrational. In the light of God's promises it is totally irrational.
Feelings can be suppressed only to pop up again at some future point in time against our conscious will. The sinful nature can be suppressed similarly. This is Romans 8.
Feelings can be released. The sinful nature can be released. This is the heart of spiritual disciplines.
The "ideal loving behaviour" is easy when you have no feelings of lack. Holiness is easy when you have no feelings of lack. Releasing all feelings of lack is attainable if you want it more than you want to embrace the feelings of lack. "You must want to be free more than you want the world" - Lester Levenson. "You must loose your life in order to attain it" - Jesus Christ. When you trust that you have all you need, you have no feeling of lack.
The feeling of lack is fear. It is distrust in God's provision. It can be released. Faith in God's provision, is our natural state. You can also have faith in God's provision by having a high degree of self-confidence - you believe he has given you all that you need to meet your own needs. Fear kills the spirit. We can live courageous, fearless lives. In fact that is the life of faith.
There are many methods to release the fear.
Walking with God is walking without fear in union and harmony to the universe. Walking without fear is the thing that God reckons as righteousness - just as he did to Abraham. Walking without fear and unaware of the nature of the universe is also missing the mark.
The world around us is constantly trying to sell to our fears to make a profit from us.
Game theory is from the perspective of utter depravity - I will do always do selfish behaviour. Without a mechanism of removing fear a religion / way is dead.
Legalism is practiced by many people. It is prescriptive without insight. It motivates by fear. It focuses on insecurity. It kills.
Grace is practiced by a few people. It is insightful, and gives a few pointers to typically good behaviour. It focuses on security.
Many people who claim to be in the grace camp are not. They are unaware of their insecurity - their fear of death and hence fear of life. They still need to control so preach legalism.
A legalist can interpret a graceful message legalistically. Someone under grace can interpret a legalistic message gracefully. It is an orientation of the heart.
To move from legalism into grace you have to let go of / release the fear. If you suppress the fear you move further into legalism. Legalists are hard work. There are "Christian" legalists and "non-Christian" legalists. There are those who are under grace who believe in Christ and those who don't. Eternal consequences are based on the degree of acceptance of Grace not on the degree of acceptance of doctrine.
Grace does not invalidate good doctrine. It does challenge bad doctrine. Doctrine does not empower the legalist. Doctrine does inform the graceful. The fearful mindset is fuelled even further by doctrine. Love overcomes fear.
There is often an internal battle between fear and love. Love begets love. Fear begets fear. Often people are in chains to fear because of a lack of imagination. Love can be grasped through imagination. Imagination is that which is outside our experience.
All around us our experiences typically cause us to fear. Fear does not lead to happiness. Desire fulfilled does not fulfil. Desire remains, and remains, and remains. A way to be free from desire is to release it to let it go. Desire is the fear that something is missing, that we don't have all that we need. James talks about desires.
The technology of releasing and letting go is something that contemporary Christian's are largely unaware of, although it is practiced by those who practice spiritual disciplines and can be found in the traditions. The Bible refers to the fruits of releasing, and provides a story that encourages it. It maybe that the story is sufficient to become holy. I don't know. I wasn't sufficiently committed to it to find out. I've used many sources to find how to become increasingly fearless.
Much of my own salvation and sanctification has not come through the contemporary Christian message. From a solely Christian perspective I am one the outside. From the perspective of the message of Jesus I have been born again and am increasingly walking in the way.
God is love. God is more than love. He is light. And he created well. He reached out to a nation that he established as the Jews and demonstrated he love to them that their story might save all. Knowledge of God does not only come through knowledge of that story however I suspect that someone enlightened who read the story for the first time would acknowledge it's truth. It is not an exclusive story. Paul went to great lengths to explain to the Jews that it wasn't. Today we've made it an exclusively Christian story. But it's not. Its God's story. It belongs to him and he wishes to save all.
People wish to make it exclusive as they fear there is a limited supply of God's love. Their desire / want for God's love fuels a self centred belief. They act out of this belief and the legalist in them justifies their behaviour to themselves. However the truth is that God’s love in infinite is not limited and is poured out on all men to those who wish to be free and happy.
The gospel is good news but has no need to be exclusive. Grace is exclusive. It recognises that fear and sin lead to destruction – Self destruction and Other destruction at minimum. Grace has to be exclusive. There are two forces at war in our innermost person. On the unconscious level as well as the conscious level. Grace recognises this. Legalism doesn’t understand this. Legalism is a defence mechanism and leads to inflexible thinking.
Grace frees. Freedom is where happiness is found, where peace and rest is found, where love and sharing is found, where fearless and courageous living is found.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Thanks be to God who is able to guide us into all truth and freedom, away from law and into a wonder life. Amen
Sin is the gap between the ideal loving behaviour and actual behaviour. The ideal loving behaviour is what is best for everyone - Self and Other - borne out of love.
The sinful nature is the part of us that pulls us towards self-centred behaviour without regard for others. It is motivated by desire, want or lust. Want is the fear that I don't have everything I need. If I trust then I know that all that I need is provided for me. The sinful nature is a feeling that I don't have rather than an actuality. Hence a poor man might be rich, a rich man poor, a rich man rich or a poor man poor. Since the sinful nature is based on fear it tends to be irrational. In the light of God's promises it is totally irrational.
Feelings can be suppressed only to pop up again at some future point in time against our conscious will. The sinful nature can be suppressed similarly. This is Romans 8.
Feelings can be released. The sinful nature can be released. This is the heart of spiritual disciplines.
The "ideal loving behaviour" is easy when you have no feelings of lack. Holiness is easy when you have no feelings of lack. Releasing all feelings of lack is attainable if you want it more than you want to embrace the feelings of lack. "You must want to be free more than you want the world" - Lester Levenson. "You must loose your life in order to attain it" - Jesus Christ. When you trust that you have all you need, you have no feeling of lack.
The feeling of lack is fear. It is distrust in God's provision. It can be released. Faith in God's provision, is our natural state. You can also have faith in God's provision by having a high degree of self-confidence - you believe he has given you all that you need to meet your own needs. Fear kills the spirit. We can live courageous, fearless lives. In fact that is the life of faith.
There are many methods to release the fear.
Walking with God is walking without fear in union and harmony to the universe. Walking without fear is the thing that God reckons as righteousness - just as he did to Abraham. Walking without fear and unaware of the nature of the universe is also missing the mark.
The world around us is constantly trying to sell to our fears to make a profit from us.
Game theory is from the perspective of utter depravity - I will do always do selfish behaviour. Without a mechanism of removing fear a religion / way is dead.
Legalism is practiced by many people. It is prescriptive without insight. It motivates by fear. It focuses on insecurity. It kills.
Grace is practiced by a few people. It is insightful, and gives a few pointers to typically good behaviour. It focuses on security.
Many people who claim to be in the grace camp are not. They are unaware of their insecurity - their fear of death and hence fear of life. They still need to control so preach legalism.
A legalist can interpret a graceful message legalistically. Someone under grace can interpret a legalistic message gracefully. It is an orientation of the heart.
To move from legalism into grace you have to let go of / release the fear. If you suppress the fear you move further into legalism. Legalists are hard work. There are "Christian" legalists and "non-Christian" legalists. There are those who are under grace who believe in Christ and those who don't. Eternal consequences are based on the degree of acceptance of Grace not on the degree of acceptance of doctrine.
Grace does not invalidate good doctrine. It does challenge bad doctrine. Doctrine does not empower the legalist. Doctrine does inform the graceful. The fearful mindset is fuelled even further by doctrine. Love overcomes fear.
There is often an internal battle between fear and love. Love begets love. Fear begets fear. Often people are in chains to fear because of a lack of imagination. Love can be grasped through imagination. Imagination is that which is outside our experience.
All around us our experiences typically cause us to fear. Fear does not lead to happiness. Desire fulfilled does not fulfil. Desire remains, and remains, and remains. A way to be free from desire is to release it to let it go. Desire is the fear that something is missing, that we don't have all that we need. James talks about desires.
The technology of releasing and letting go is something that contemporary Christian's are largely unaware of, although it is practiced by those who practice spiritual disciplines and can be found in the traditions. The Bible refers to the fruits of releasing, and provides a story that encourages it. It maybe that the story is sufficient to become holy. I don't know. I wasn't sufficiently committed to it to find out. I've used many sources to find how to become increasingly fearless.
Much of my own salvation and sanctification has not come through the contemporary Christian message. From a solely Christian perspective I am one the outside. From the perspective of the message of Jesus I have been born again and am increasingly walking in the way.
God is love. God is more than love. He is light. And he created well. He reached out to a nation that he established as the Jews and demonstrated he love to them that their story might save all. Knowledge of God does not only come through knowledge of that story however I suspect that someone enlightened who read the story for the first time would acknowledge it's truth. It is not an exclusive story. Paul went to great lengths to explain to the Jews that it wasn't. Today we've made it an exclusively Christian story. But it's not. Its God's story. It belongs to him and he wishes to save all.
People wish to make it exclusive as they fear there is a limited supply of God's love. Their desire / want for God's love fuels a self centred belief. They act out of this belief and the legalist in them justifies their behaviour to themselves. However the truth is that God’s love in infinite is not limited and is poured out on all men to those who wish to be free and happy.
The gospel is good news but has no need to be exclusive. Grace is exclusive. It recognises that fear and sin lead to destruction – Self destruction and Other destruction at minimum. Grace has to be exclusive. There are two forces at war in our innermost person. On the unconscious level as well as the conscious level. Grace recognises this. Legalism doesn’t understand this. Legalism is a defence mechanism and leads to inflexible thinking.
Grace frees. Freedom is where happiness is found, where peace and rest is found, where love and sharing is found, where fearless and courageous living is found.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Thanks be to God who is able to guide us into all truth and freedom, away from law and into a wonder life. Amen
Friday, November 04, 2005
Reconstruction
For a while I've been saying to my friends that I don't believe in reconstruction. Some of the "emerging" church movement stuff has bothered me - in particular the new ideas of how to do church, the bandwagons such as being missional, etc.
I now realise why I don't believe in reconstruction. It's because I believe that as you strip away the rubbish you've constructed you are left with what is. God. Creation.
The real problem is our feeling of lack and then our wanting to construct something to fill the perceived void. Instead of sitting with the feeling a while and allowing ourselves to just look for what has already been provided our insecurity drives us to be active. Construction or reconstruction is from this perspective totally sinful.
I now realise why I don't believe in reconstruction. It's because I believe that as you strip away the rubbish you've constructed you are left with what is. God. Creation.
The real problem is our feeling of lack and then our wanting to construct something to fill the perceived void. Instead of sitting with the feeling a while and allowing ourselves to just look for what has already been provided our insecurity drives us to be active. Construction or reconstruction is from this perspective totally sinful.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Heresey?
What if sin is the fear of death?
What if the serpent did lie when he said you will surely die?
What if everything after that point was written from the perspective that we did die?
What if the mindset that we are dead or that death is inevitable is fallenness?
What if the Gospel is about escaping that mindset and the fruits of it?
What if the Gospel is about new life?
What if the message of the Gospel is that there is no death?
What if the idea of needing to perform a special ritual to escape death is just an immature ego manifesting as a religious mindest?
Just a thought..
<Smile>
What if the serpent did lie when he said you will surely die?
What if everything after that point was written from the perspective that we did die?
What if the mindset that we are dead or that death is inevitable is fallenness?
What if the Gospel is about escaping that mindset and the fruits of it?
What if the Gospel is about new life?
What if the message of the Gospel is that there is no death?
What if the idea of needing to perform a special ritual to escape death is just an immature ego manifesting as a religious mindest?
Just a thought..
<Smile>
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
My journey
At the moment I'm not in a church. I'm hearing messages from church that this is sinful and wrong. However I am convinced that this period of seperation is a vital componenet of my journey. And I hold that view no matter what. I know I'm still loved by God and that I'm still in relationship. All the apocalyptic things just aren't happening to me and they just aren't going to. You see my strength no longer comes from an Other. It comes from inside. And I am determined to give back more than I take. So learning to be self-dependent is important and it is hard to learn that in an environment that encourages dependency.
I have no choice. I have to take an opposing stand to the docterine of the church. Not that I think it is wrong. It is just getting in the way of me growing up.
I have no choice. I have to take an opposing stand to the docterine of the church. Not that I think it is wrong. It is just getting in the way of me growing up.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Packing my bags
I am stressed because I don’t know how to cook but I know that nutrition is important. I feel much the same way as I did when I was getting stressed out about packing for holiday.
I don’t know how to keep the house clean but I like a clean house. I don’t know how to keep on top of my filing but I like a tidy house. I struggle to keep the garden.
The worse thing is that I hide in books, in internet browsing, in distractions to keep me for experiencing the pain of not being who I want to be or maybe rather not doing what I want to do or maybe not achieving what I want to achieve.
This feels like a feeling that I have been labelling as sin. But actually it isn’t sin. It is lack of learning. Like many men I’ve just gone from one caregiver to another and never learnt to practically stand on my own two feet. The last three years instead of learning how to do so I have flitted from one thing to another in search of peace.
However peace is totally free and easily accessible, so what I need to do is to face the things I am running away from. And change them. It’s not even like they are all that hard. Many people on this planet have learned to cook, to clean, to file, to cut grass even as I learned to pack a back for holidays.
I don’t know how to keep the house clean but I like a clean house. I don’t know how to keep on top of my filing but I like a tidy house. I struggle to keep the garden.
The worse thing is that I hide in books, in internet browsing, in distractions to keep me for experiencing the pain of not being who I want to be or maybe rather not doing what I want to do or maybe not achieving what I want to achieve.
This feels like a feeling that I have been labelling as sin. But actually it isn’t sin. It is lack of learning. Like many men I’ve just gone from one caregiver to another and never learnt to practically stand on my own two feet. The last three years instead of learning how to do so I have flitted from one thing to another in search of peace.
However peace is totally free and easily accessible, so what I need to do is to face the things I am running away from. And change them. It’s not even like they are all that hard. Many people on this planet have learned to cook, to clean, to file, to cut grass even as I learned to pack a back for holidays.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Sheep being led astray?
Aggghhhhh. This is so frustrating and at this point in time I'm not diagnosing any responsibility. I realise that I am so used to someone telling me what to do that I find it very uncomfortable and distressing to not have someone directing my every move. I am reminded of things like "You'd better watch out that the devil doesn't lead you astray" and "you can't trust your feelings" and the idea that something I think might be corrupt so I'd better submit it to others first, however I don't think church is the only instigator of this in my life.
The result is a very capable robot who finds it emotionally taxing to organise the little things in life like what to have for breakfast, what to pack for holiday, what to spend money on, and how to file the post.
I am so dependent on others it is scary. I am so incapacitated it is awful to behold.
Oh well. C'est la vie.
The result is a very capable robot who finds it emotionally taxing to organise the little things in life like what to have for breakfast, what to pack for holiday, what to spend money on, and how to file the post.
I am so dependent on others it is scary. I am so incapacitated it is awful to behold.
Oh well. C'est la vie.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Unsatisfactory
There is something wrong that I haven't quite put my finger on. I feel confused. That makes me happy as confusion is the feeling you feel just before you're about to learn something. I guess it's the state of flux that you feel in between states of certainty. The point where one neural pattern is broken and the replacement isn't formed. The point of transition between conscious incompetence to conscious competence.
For me the issue is behaviour. And how I choose to behave. The way I grew up was supposedly "Christian" but has many weaknesses in it and as I honestly review it in my mind is not how God wants me to live. The establishment though is fearful of my exploring. It is threatening to them. And in my neural pathways I have become accustomed to associating pleasing the establishment with pleasing God and I am discovering they are not the same thing.
So the issue of how I behave is manifesting as the question "What is sin?" I am totally convinced that much of what Jesus had to say to the Pharisees he would say to 95% of the church folks today. I really believed that *they* were walking the pathway to righteousness and were reliable guides. But I am realising that *they* were not the good parents *they* claimed to be. So I guess I'm grieving the loss of relationship that is supposed to be but isn't. Now *they* will answer this with phrases like don't look at the church look at Jesus, and isn't it better to be hypocritical with standards than with no standards, but personally I think that is a cop out.
I am fed up with it all. I am fed up with the lack of honesty. I am fed up with voices whining about the whiners. So I give up. I yield. I accept. I let go of the church's standard of behaviour. And I know I don't have an answer. But I'm no longer going to try to make things work. My walk with God has to be a two way street. My relationship with others has to work both ways. No relationship is better than a toxic relationship. We're through. I know in *their* eyes I'm in the wrong but *they* allow my no voice. *They* are so committed to *their* way and there is no flexibility. The thing that annoys me the most is the telling of half truths and maybe outright lies in order to seduce me and my influence into *their* fold. The whole lot is corrupt. The whole premise behind much theologising and ecclesiology is a belief in uniformity. Unfortunately some of us are more uniform than others.
To the *they*. Good luck with your project to transform all of mankind into yourself. I wish you well.
For me the issue is behaviour. And how I choose to behave. The way I grew up was supposedly "Christian" but has many weaknesses in it and as I honestly review it in my mind is not how God wants me to live. The establishment though is fearful of my exploring. It is threatening to them. And in my neural pathways I have become accustomed to associating pleasing the establishment with pleasing God and I am discovering they are not the same thing.
So the issue of how I behave is manifesting as the question "What is sin?" I am totally convinced that much of what Jesus had to say to the Pharisees he would say to 95% of the church folks today. I really believed that *they* were walking the pathway to righteousness and were reliable guides. But I am realising that *they* were not the good parents *they* claimed to be. So I guess I'm grieving the loss of relationship that is supposed to be but isn't. Now *they* will answer this with phrases like don't look at the church look at Jesus, and isn't it better to be hypocritical with standards than with no standards, but personally I think that is a cop out.
I am fed up with it all. I am fed up with the lack of honesty. I am fed up with voices whining about the whiners. So I give up. I yield. I accept. I let go of the church's standard of behaviour. And I know I don't have an answer. But I'm no longer going to try to make things work. My walk with God has to be a two way street. My relationship with others has to work both ways. No relationship is better than a toxic relationship. We're through. I know in *their* eyes I'm in the wrong but *they* allow my no voice. *They* are so committed to *their* way and there is no flexibility. The thing that annoys me the most is the telling of half truths and maybe outright lies in order to seduce me and my influence into *their* fold. The whole lot is corrupt. The whole premise behind much theologising and ecclesiology is a belief in uniformity. Unfortunately some of us are more uniform than others.
To the *they*. Good luck with your project to transform all of mankind into yourself. I wish you well.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Three things I need from relationship with you
We all make mistakes. From time to time.
In relationship with you I need to know that when you make a mistake that hurts me that you are aware of what you have done and why it's caused me pain. Most people call this appologising.
I also need to know that when I make a mistake that hurts you that you know that I am aware of your pain and what I have done to you to cause you that pain. Most people call this forgiveness.
Finally I need to know that you aren't into giving and receiving pain, and that any pain I am causing you isn't intentional and that any pain you are causing me is also not intentional. Most people call this love.
In relationship with you I need to know that when you make a mistake that hurts me that you are aware of what you have done and why it's caused me pain. Most people call this appologising.
I also need to know that when I make a mistake that hurts you that you know that I am aware of your pain and what I have done to you to cause you that pain. Most people call this forgiveness.
Finally I need to know that you aren't into giving and receiving pain, and that any pain I am causing you isn't intentional and that any pain you are causing me is also not intentional. Most people call this love.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
What is sin?
I'm asking as I've never heard anyone define it thoroughly to my satisfaction and I'd like to understand what Christian folks really mean by it.
My current defining is that "sin" it is a nebulous catch all that is used when people haven't a clue what they are talking about.
Anyone care to add?
My current defining is that "sin" it is a nebulous catch all that is used when people haven't a clue what they are talking about.
Anyone care to add?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Welcome to emergent folks
Judging from my stats I suspect we're getting some extra emergent traffic here. So welcome you guys. Feel free to hang out if you wish. Acceptance and peace DM
Disadvantage of Inerrancy #2
It makes it easier for a leader to defend their own abusive position as God's name is the ultimate authority to call upon.
Sadly the reformation didn't completely solve abuse of power it just merely made it easier for more people to abuse the power. A step in the right direction in my mind but we need even more equality.
Sadly the reformation didn't completely solve abuse of power it just merely made it easier for more people to abuse the power. A step in the right direction in my mind but we need even more equality.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Post-colonialism
As I reflect on some new kind of conversations I am struck that the mind that maintains a colonial perspective also maintains a colonial God who imparts a colonial imperative.
From dictionary.com:
colonialism
n : exploitation by a stronger country of weaker one; the use of the weaker country's resources to strengthen and enrich the stronger country
imperative
adj.
1. Expressing a command...
From dictionary.com:
colonialism
n : exploitation by a stronger country of weaker one; the use of the weaker country's resources to strengthen and enrich the stronger country
imperative
adj.
1. Expressing a command...
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Are we trying to make the world disgustingly salty?
It just struck me that if we are meant to be salt then we are meant influence the flavour in a distinct but subtle, important but not overpowering way. But we want to impose our views everywhere. We want to control everything. Maybe the religousosity that we condem is merely our own attempt to be too salty. Yuck!!!
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Disadvantage of Inerrancy #1
The doctrine of inerrancy discourages us to consider Jeremiah's writing style so we miss the fact that he was one of the great authors of all history, up there with Homer and Shakespeare.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Love yourself as your neighbour (or another new direction)
I think Jesus had incredible insight into our inability to spin many different plates at the same time in his famous statement "Love yourself as your neighbour." I admire his perception that we find it hard to multitask - hey maybe that's why he came as a man?. So rather than giving us two tasks he reduced it to one. Rather than a task of hate and love he kindly reduced it to just to love. So he set us free from the religious requirement to hate ourselves and love our neighbour by giving us permission to merely love all. I like him. He's my kind of task master.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Bananarama
Sometimes I observe people spending more attention on what they say than the way they say it.
Sometimes I wonder if those people consider that what Jesus had to say was more important than the way he said it.
Sometimes I think that what is said conveys less meaning than the way it is said.
Sometimes I wonder if those people consider that what Jesus had to say was more important than the way he said it.
Sometimes I think that what is said conveys less meaning than the way it is said.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Unashamed Plagiarism
Bruce D wrote the following on Eddies blog. I just wanted to preserve it as I agree with it so much.
Sometimes, I think the whole "God's wrath aimed at the cross" thing is God satisfying a need (or expectation) in us, not in himself. No matter what the truth was, he knew that we thought we deserved to die for our inability to measure up (again, our perception, not his). So, he gave us what we wanted, his wrath. But instead of directing it at us, he directed it on himself. Still it satisfied the need we had for "something" to be done to "somebody".
It's like he said, "ok, I'll play your game, You all are so convinced that I should be angry at you, and should judge you and sentence you... I'll give you what you want. You will see my wrath. BANG!!! There... see it? Now get over yourselves, and understand that I am not angry at you! I love you so much that I am willing to give you what you want... only aim it at myself. Do you understand yet?"
From Mollifying ill-willed gods
Sometimes, I think the whole "God's wrath aimed at the cross" thing is God satisfying a need (or expectation) in us, not in himself. No matter what the truth was, he knew that we thought we deserved to die for our inability to measure up (again, our perception, not his). So, he gave us what we wanted, his wrath. But instead of directing it at us, he directed it on himself. Still it satisfied the need we had for "something" to be done to "somebody".
It's like he said, "ok, I'll play your game, You all are so convinced that I should be angry at you, and should judge you and sentence you... I'll give you what you want. You will see my wrath. BANG!!! There... see it? Now get over yourselves, and understand that I am not angry at you! I love you so much that I am willing to give you what you want... only aim it at myself. Do you understand yet?"
From Mollifying ill-willed gods
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Know Thyself
Mike Yaconelli put it this way: "The me who is reflected in this column is not me. The you reflected in your written response to this column is not you. We are all edited selves -- Reader's Digest versions of our real selves. These huge gaps in our knowing one another allow us to form opinions which are always incomplete and always inaccurate."
My job I guess is to make sure that I communicate who I am and listen carefully to who others are.
My job I guess is to make sure that I communicate who I am and listen carefully to who others are.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
So what's next?
I am beginning to ask myself this question and I think I am hearing others ask it. I've left church now but it has left a hole. There were many good things but I couldn't cope with my buttons being pressed all the time. I was fed up with so many people inflicting their agenda on me - telling me how I ought to live. The thing that bothered me the most was when folks with no healing ministry would be teaching children to pray for one another. I'd look at the teachers and not see any faith for healing but a despiration for the supernatural. Why not for example teach the children completative prayer? Ah you can't see the results. It doesn't make you look good. Hmmmmmm.
I feel like I've been forced out of church, because the people are not aware of those issues and are pretty well defended on them. I feel silenced over the matter. It's not a valid topic of conversation with them. But it still leaves a hole.
I enjoyed the feeling of community, and deep down I have an intuitive hunger for something more. I am still left with a hole.
I could search London for a community of believers who have got it right. Maybe? I don't hold out much hope and anyway that would be being part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
I could join some friends in their expression of church.
For the moment I think I'll just ask the question. Anyone else's answers or deeper questions would are most welcome. Comments anyone?
I feel like I've been forced out of church, because the people are not aware of those issues and are pretty well defended on them. I feel silenced over the matter. It's not a valid topic of conversation with them. But it still leaves a hole.
I enjoyed the feeling of community, and deep down I have an intuitive hunger for something more. I am still left with a hole.
I could search London for a community of believers who have got it right. Maybe? I don't hold out much hope and anyway that would be being part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
I could join some friends in their expression of church.
For the moment I think I'll just ask the question. Anyone else's answers or deeper questions would are most welcome. Comments anyone?
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Group therapy anyone?
"No man has greater love than this that he lay down his life for his friends"
Blogging is like group therapy... international no less... encouraging clear expression of innermost thought... submission to Other for criticism... Other reciprocating... receiving feedback - the rough with the smooth... giving feedback - the harsh with the gentle... and growth... character cultivates... a gift to those around... friends, best friends, family, children, lover, spouse, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, communities, business partners, colleagues, mates, girls, lads... truly the greatest gift is the attended life...
Blogging is like group therapy... international no less... encouraging clear expression of innermost thought... submission to Other for criticism... Other reciprocating... receiving feedback - the rough with the smooth... giving feedback - the harsh with the gentle... and growth... character cultivates... a gift to those around... friends, best friends, family, children, lover, spouse, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, communities, business partners, colleagues, mates, girls, lads... truly the greatest gift is the attended life...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Monday, September 12, 2005
It’s all about this…
Early on in my journey of therapy and personal development I realised that I could be happy and sad at the same time. I realised that they weren’t opposites on two ends of a sliding scale.
I don’t know whether my prior perspective is a Christian thing, or a stages of faith (as in James Fowler) thing or a stages of life thing, but I notice that the idea that there is a simple truth out there is prevalent, at least amongst the Christian après blog dialog I am inclined to explore.
Now this certainly hasn’t been statistically tested and I don’t tend to read all that widely in blog-space but as I think we are meant to be all that God has called us to be I’ll aim my observations at my own family. I am wondering if by and large Christians have such a commitment to there being a truth, that they intuitively know that what is presented to them is incomplete, that they then keep searching for the answer and then every time they find a new piece of the jigsaw they then tell one another that “It is all about…” – finish the dots for yourself.
I’d be interested to hear who notices this while reading. I think it is something for me personally to be sensitive to as I know that I can respond in that enthusiastic manner and also I am aware that it portrays an immature observer, is obvious to my more mature (typically non-Christian) friends and lacks credibility that I think contributes to the decline in the faith.
Maybe it’s not all about. Maybe there are many pieces to the jigsaw and maybe there is no magical silver bullet.
I don’t know whether my prior perspective is a Christian thing, or a stages of faith (as in James Fowler) thing or a stages of life thing, but I notice that the idea that there is a simple truth out there is prevalent, at least amongst the Christian après blog dialog I am inclined to explore.
Now this certainly hasn’t been statistically tested and I don’t tend to read all that widely in blog-space but as I think we are meant to be all that God has called us to be I’ll aim my observations at my own family. I am wondering if by and large Christians have such a commitment to there being a truth, that they intuitively know that what is presented to them is incomplete, that they then keep searching for the answer and then every time they find a new piece of the jigsaw they then tell one another that “It is all about…” – finish the dots for yourself.
I’d be interested to hear who notices this while reading. I think it is something for me personally to be sensitive to as I know that I can respond in that enthusiastic manner and also I am aware that it portrays an immature observer, is obvious to my more mature (typically non-Christian) friends and lacks credibility that I think contributes to the decline in the faith.
Maybe it’s not all about. Maybe there are many pieces to the jigsaw and maybe there is no magical silver bullet.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Quarrel, Argument and Conversation
A couple of observations from dictionary.com:
argument (n)
1a: A discussion in which disagreement is expressed; a debate.
1b: A quarrel; a dispute.
2a: A course of reasoning aimed at demonstrating truth or falsehood: presented a careful argument for extraterrestrial life.
2b: A fact or statement put forth as proof or evidence; a reason: The current low mortgage rates are an argument for buying a house now.
2c: A set of statements in which one follows logically as a conclusion from the others.
quarrel (intr. v.)
1: To engage in a quarrel; dispute angrily.
3: To find fault; complain.
monolog (n)
2: A continuous series of jokes or comic stories delivered by one comedian.
3: A long speech made by one person, often monopolizing a conversation.
dialog (n)
1: A conversation between two or more people.
conversation (n)
1a: The spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings; talk.
exchange (v. tr.)
1: To give in return for something received; trade: exchange dollars for francs; exchanging labor for room and board.
2: To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.
reciprocal (adj.)
2: Interchanged, given, or owed to each other: reciprocal agreements to abolish customs duties; a reciprocal invitation to lunch.
Are you still with me?
There are three on-liners who I'd like to recommend. All three are people who carry out conversation. Jeff, Jase, and Eddie.
argument (n)
1a: A discussion in which disagreement is expressed; a debate.
1b: A quarrel; a dispute.
2a: A course of reasoning aimed at demonstrating truth or falsehood: presented a careful argument for extraterrestrial life.
2b: A fact or statement put forth as proof or evidence; a reason: The current low mortgage rates are an argument for buying a house now.
2c: A set of statements in which one follows logically as a conclusion from the others.
quarrel (intr. v.)
1: To engage in a quarrel; dispute angrily.
3: To find fault; complain.
monolog (n)
2: A continuous series of jokes or comic stories delivered by one comedian.
3: A long speech made by one person, often monopolizing a conversation.
dialog (n)
1: A conversation between two or more people.
conversation (n)
1a: The spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings; talk.
exchange (v. tr.)
1: To give in return for something received; trade: exchange dollars for francs; exchanging labor for room and board.
2: To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.
reciprocal (adj.)
2: Interchanged, given, or owed to each other: reciprocal agreements to abolish customs duties; a reciprocal invitation to lunch.
Are you still with me?
There are three on-liners who I'd like to recommend. All three are people who carry out conversation. Jeff, Jase, and Eddie.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Even more duality
*smile* you just gotta love it don't you...
I first came across duality when my university tutor showed us some thoughts of Abraham Maslow. As I remember it, Maslow's idea was that in the workplace there were satisfiers and dissatisfiers. A satisfier might be interesting work. A dissatisfier might be lack of income. The theory goes that a satisfier cannot be a dissatisfier and a dissatisfier cannot be a satisfier. So you need enough money to not be dissatisfied and you need enough interesting work to be satisfied. But you cannot compensate one with the other. So interesting work cannot balance for lack of money and money cannot balance lack of interesting work.
Whilst doing some soul work this morning I realised that I have lived my whole life trying to fill a perceived hole in my relationship with my "nurturing" figure. In all honesty I just can't fill it.
I think I may have had a false belief that I was incomplete and I suspect that if I focus on releasing the dissatisfaction rather than trying to get more satisfaction I might just find peace in this issue.
I first came across duality when my university tutor showed us some thoughts of Abraham Maslow. As I remember it, Maslow's idea was that in the workplace there were satisfiers and dissatisfiers. A satisfier might be interesting work. A dissatisfier might be lack of income. The theory goes that a satisfier cannot be a dissatisfier and a dissatisfier cannot be a satisfier. So you need enough money to not be dissatisfied and you need enough interesting work to be satisfied. But you cannot compensate one with the other. So interesting work cannot balance for lack of money and money cannot balance lack of interesting work.
Whilst doing some soul work this morning I realised that I have lived my whole life trying to fill a perceived hole in my relationship with my "nurturing" figure. In all honesty I just can't fill it.
I think I may have had a false belief that I was incomplete and I suspect that if I focus on releasing the dissatisfaction rather than trying to get more satisfaction I might just find peace in this issue.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
More polarity
After a recent lesson I was chatting with my Alexander Technique teacher about just how similar physical and emotional release are. To release physical tension you can allow yourself to focus on both sets of muscles in tension, either one then the other, or both simultaneously. To release emotionally you can allow yourself to be present to both sides of an issue, either one then the other or with practise both simultaneously. To get more freedom physically you can stretch both sets of muscles. To get more freedom emotionally you can embrace both sides of an issue to stretch your comfort zone.
I think it is striking how the same Central Nervous System that effects physical movement through polarity (e.g. bicep and tricep) also effects emotional response through polarity (e.g. love and hate).
Maybe it's the only way. Maybe we cannot grasp one without other. Maybe it's just the way we hold onto truth.
I think it is striking how the same Central Nervous System that effects physical movement through polarity (e.g. bicep and tricep) also effects emotional response through polarity (e.g. love and hate).
Maybe it's the only way. Maybe we cannot grasp one without other. Maybe it's just the way we hold onto truth.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Where did all the polarity go?
Recently, I was working on my driving addiction to always make the most of my time using a technique where the polarities surrounding an issue and pondered. Similar to Ecclesiastes.
Can I welcome my desire to make the most of my time?
Can I welcome my resistance to making the most of my time?
Like some monkish mantra going round and round, and round and round. On the ride I began to realise that my desires aren't binary, either here or not, but they have depth and layers, and there are many and varied emotions associated with each part.
As I found freedom I also found myself feeling grateful for polarity and the ability to free mind and spirit. I also felt sad as I realised that so much Christian dialog discards the inherent polarities in truth and, in its attempt to be perfect and control and change the world, freedom is renounced and replaced with the deception of certitude.
Can I welcome my desire to make the most of my time?
Can I welcome my resistance to making the most of my time?
Like some monkish mantra going round and round, and round and round. On the ride I began to realise that my desires aren't binary, either here or not, but they have depth and layers, and there are many and varied emotions associated with each part.
As I found freedom I also found myself feeling grateful for polarity and the ability to free mind and spirit. I also felt sad as I realised that so much Christian dialog discards the inherent polarities in truth and, in its attempt to be perfect and control and change the world, freedom is renounced and replaced with the deception of certitude.
Respect
This is just a thought that maybe someone might consider trying out sometime. When folks discuss a blog entry après, the dialog can rabbit hole all over the place. This isn't necessarily a problem but I wonder if we scored our reply on a scale of 1 to 10 for relevancy to the thread and emotional meaningfulness for ourselves what the result might be.
It bothers me when folks redirect a dialog for trivial reasons. If it is a really important topic to them I have the patience to follow awhile, however sometimes I wonder if they are just being selfishly and immaturely irrelevant posting merely to point score.
I just think it's a grave shame to waste someone else's time. Don't you?
It bothers me when folks redirect a dialog for trivial reasons. If it is a really important topic to them I have the patience to follow awhile, however sometimes I wonder if they are just being selfishly and immaturely irrelevant posting merely to point score.
I just think it's a grave shame to waste someone else's time. Don't you?
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Pressures of the external world
As I am learning to live in more freedom I keep uncovering how the things the external world has been telling me to live by are so unhelpful. Thankfully, I largely escaped the scripts of consumerism due to my parents and the church, but even so I inherited a different set of destructive scripts, which in some ways have been harder to take apart as there are less people I can turn to who are able to relate to them.
As I take apart the "Charismatic Evangelical Christian" script I have to suffer criticism from those who still have a vested interest in maintaining control over those they are meant to be shepherding. Control is one of the ugliest blemishes on the bride of Christ, and yet those who maintain the controlling interest are largely unaware of their stance - their egos are well defended with a theology that allows them to continue in the place of their ancestors the Pharisees.
The lack of honest dialog about this issue grieves me especially as focus is diverted off subject into issues of modernism, post-modernism, inerrancy, creation, church, preaching, missional community and so on. It's like as long as all sides are happy to argue the toss about these issues then no-one has to embrace humility. I'm sick of it. And sadly I am criticised for being sick of it. One day I'll be strong enough that the criticism won't stick, but at the moment my buttons get pressed far too easily and I cannot cope with being in a church without feeling constantly bashed.
Healing is arriving, and I have hope, but it still saddens me that there generally is such a lack of awareness and sensitivity to the issue of control within the church community.
As I take apart the "Charismatic Evangelical Christian" script I have to suffer criticism from those who still have a vested interest in maintaining control over those they are meant to be shepherding. Control is one of the ugliest blemishes on the bride of Christ, and yet those who maintain the controlling interest are largely unaware of their stance - their egos are well defended with a theology that allows them to continue in the place of their ancestors the Pharisees.
The lack of honest dialog about this issue grieves me especially as focus is diverted off subject into issues of modernism, post-modernism, inerrancy, creation, church, preaching, missional community and so on. It's like as long as all sides are happy to argue the toss about these issues then no-one has to embrace humility. I'm sick of it. And sadly I am criticised for being sick of it. One day I'll be strong enough that the criticism won't stick, but at the moment my buttons get pressed far too easily and I cannot cope with being in a church without feeling constantly bashed.
Healing is arriving, and I have hope, but it still saddens me that there generally is such a lack of awareness and sensitivity to the issue of control within the church community.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Relationship, awareness and ultimatum
If the Other isn't aware or in denial in a relationship you have a problem. You desire intimacy but the actions of the Other work against it. I think you are limited to three strategies:
Strategy One
Drop it. Their behaviour isn't all that destructive and you can be bigger than the situation.
Strategy Two
Communicate clearly, carefully, and considerately to change it and with a responsive Other you both win.
Strategy Three
Walk away.
Some may also say you can give an ultimatum. Personally my concern is that if you control the Other you can end up with feigned obedience - effectively destroying the relational interaction you desire as you have no way of telling their heart in the matter.
Strategy One
Drop it. Their behaviour isn't all that destructive and you can be bigger than the situation.
Strategy Two
Communicate clearly, carefully, and considerately to change it and with a responsive Other you both win.
Strategy Three
Walk away.
Some may also say you can give an ultimatum. Personally my concern is that if you control the Other you can end up with feigned obedience - effectively destroying the relational interaction you desire as you have no way of telling their heart in the matter.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
I want answers
And I want them now. Oh dear. I have to laugh at myself.
It used to be that when close friends would tell me that maybe there were no answers I merely responded by redoubling my efforts in the search. And in all honesty I did find many truths that they just didn't have.
However today I am annoyed at some of my addictions. Driven by want - the perception of lack. Maybe the answer (ha-ha) to my quest for answers lies in allowing the perception of lack to dissolve rather than striving harder in my search.
So my answer really might be, there is no answer. For the moment. Today.
It used to be that when close friends would tell me that maybe there were no answers I merely responded by redoubling my efforts in the search. And in all honesty I did find many truths that they just didn't have.
However today I am annoyed at some of my addictions. Driven by want - the perception of lack. Maybe the answer (ha-ha) to my quest for answers lies in allowing the perception of lack to dissolve rather than striving harder in my search.
So my answer really might be, there is no answer. For the moment. Today.
Limits of Assertion
I have learnt that in relationship everything has to be able to work both ways for equality to exist. So to accept a compromise with my significant Other I have to be able to live with either side. If I demand something then I have to be able to yield to the reciprocal demand.
It has always saddened me when people attempt to control and silence each other with claims to a higher authority. My classic sensitivity has been about time, folks would say to me "You don't understand time, God isn't like you that he needs to be limited by time, he is outside time." However they do not typically accept the reciprocal. "You don't understand time, it is a concept created by the human mind and to say anyone is outside time is a contradiction".
These arguments occur all the time. It can be fun to argument-watch in a similar vein to people-watch, to spot when these occur. It can also sadden to allow that level of awareness to permeate us as we see the play of unseen forces hindering and destroying potential relationship.
Our ability to assert is limited, when we break through the limits of our assertion we really have to ask what unseen force or desire in me is causing me to break the boundaries of assertion and beat on my friend? Why is it so important to be right?
It has always saddened me when people attempt to control and silence each other with claims to a higher authority. My classic sensitivity has been about time, folks would say to me "You don't understand time, God isn't like you that he needs to be limited by time, he is outside time." However they do not typically accept the reciprocal. "You don't understand time, it is a concept created by the human mind and to say anyone is outside time is a contradiction".
These arguments occur all the time. It can be fun to argument-watch in a similar vein to people-watch, to spot when these occur. It can also sadden to allow that level of awareness to permeate us as we see the play of unseen forces hindering and destroying potential relationship.
Our ability to assert is limited, when we break through the limits of our assertion we really have to ask what unseen force or desire in me is causing me to break the boundaries of assertion and beat on my friend? Why is it so important to be right?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Universalism
Am enjoying the dialog - http://demerging.blogspot.com/2005/08/inclusion-universalism-judgement.html
A new direction
I am learning balance between Self and Other. Personally I feel bashed to deny the Self. "Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me". However I think there is balance in "love your neighbour as yourself". To destroy the Self is to destroy the very source of love we posses, our very ability to love the Other. Surely to love all is the goal?
I want to converse about love. Partly because it's a lot more interesting and inspiring than inerrancy, or creation, or the atonement, or ecclesiology, or post-modernity, or modernity, or ... *grin*, but mainly because I suspect it will yield greater benefit to my Self and Others than all the talk about all those other subjects.
So for anyone going this way, let me join you in conversation and life and maybe we can learn some more of the way of love.
I want to converse about love. Partly because it's a lot more interesting and inspiring than inerrancy, or creation, or the atonement, or ecclesiology, or post-modernity, or modernity, or ... *grin*, but mainly because I suspect it will yield greater benefit to my Self and Others than all the talk about all those other subjects.
So for anyone going this way, let me join you in conversation and life and maybe we can learn some more of the way of love.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Awareness, denial and misdiagnosis of a problem
I have to laugh at some of the on-blog dialogs I read. You see two people going round in infinite circles, not listening to the Other. At least one but often both are in denial, lack awareness or Self and Other, and misdiagnose where the problem lies.
It saddens me as often both people's desire is to engage in mutually beneficial interaction however when one person misdiagnoses the problem the Other can't stop pressing the buttons as they distracted and are being sensitive to the wrong thing. A loving response to supposed disclosure is wasted and the person being sensitive gets frustrated as they are still inadvertently pressing the buttons when they are doing their best not to.
So my plea to all who read this is to carefully, seek to become increasingly aware and to try not to misdiagnose the source of a problem not because that is wrong but merely for the practical benefit that it allows the Other to be sensitive to the issue.
Oh, by the way, another word for misdiagnosis is blame.
It saddens me as often both people's desire is to engage in mutually beneficial interaction however when one person misdiagnoses the problem the Other can't stop pressing the buttons as they distracted and are being sensitive to the wrong thing. A loving response to supposed disclosure is wasted and the person being sensitive gets frustrated as they are still inadvertently pressing the buttons when they are doing their best not to.
So my plea to all who read this is to carefully, seek to become increasingly aware and to try not to misdiagnose the source of a problem not because that is wrong but merely for the practical benefit that it allows the Other to be sensitive to the issue.
Oh, by the way, another word for misdiagnosis is blame.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Inerrancy is laughable (or love is supreme)
If God had wanted us to treat the Bible as inerrant then he could have made it perfectly clear but it seems, from the evidence, that it just wasn't all that important to him. Instead the themes of his totally sacrificial love and our responses of having faith in it and mirroring it are surely more important to him as seen by the sheer wordage and clarity devoted to those motifs.
I can hear him laughing at the nonsense we generate.
I can hear him laughing at the nonsense we generate.
Friday, August 19, 2005
What's the core question?
Over the last few months I've been reading various blogs and engaging in some on-line discussion. There is much well written stuff. Very well written. Beautiful even.
The only problem is it doesn't resonate. There are many great and exciting ideas and the author who is most elegant tends to win and sway opinion however I look at it and still something doesn't resonate.
I hear the ideas of emerging church, missional focus, post-modernism etc etc etc... blah blah blah... I hear both sides of the inerrancy argument, the sex before marriage argument, the whatever argument... and still nothing resonates in my heart.
I wonder if all these people are really aware what the core question really is, whether they have put aside their intellectual projects, given their minds a rest and really listened to their souls. I suspect we are all driven and controlled by that within us that is left unconcious. I recognise it all around me.
Well it's time to stray from the worn path even more in search of a better land. Will be back from time to time.
The only problem is it doesn't resonate. There are many great and exciting ideas and the author who is most elegant tends to win and sway opinion however I look at it and still something doesn't resonate.
I hear the ideas of emerging church, missional focus, post-modernism etc etc etc... blah blah blah... I hear both sides of the inerrancy argument, the sex before marriage argument, the whatever argument... and still nothing resonates in my heart.
I wonder if all these people are really aware what the core question really is, whether they have put aside their intellectual projects, given their minds a rest and really listened to their souls. I suspect we are all driven and controlled by that within us that is left unconcious. I recognise it all around me.
Well it's time to stray from the worn path even more in search of a better land. Will be back from time to time.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Signing Off
Time for bed said Zebedee. And indeed he was right.
So it's time to go now. So long. Farewell. Aufwiedersehn. Goodbyeeee.
Thanks to all who've been reading and to all who've commented. I wish you well on your journeys and maybe I'll be back and maybe I won't but for the now that is it.
So it's time to go now. So long. Farewell. Aufwiedersehn. Goodbyeeee.
Thanks to all who've been reading and to all who've commented. I wish you well on your journeys and maybe I'll be back and maybe I won't but for the now that is it.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Limits of Logic
Formal methods in software were the answer to the problem. The idea was you could prove that a program had no bugs. Which would have been a good thing.
However. The longest program was a couple of hundred lines or so. Whereas useful programs are many hundreds of thousands of lines long and really useful programs are millions of lines long.
Testing is also a good way of establishing the "truth" of a program.
(From Glenford J. Myers, The Art of Software Testing (Wiley, 1979))
"Self-Assessment"
Statement of Requirements:
The program reads three integer values from a card.
The three values are interpreted as representing the lengths of the sides of a triangle. The program prints a message that states whether the triangle is scalene, isosceles, or equilateral.
Your Exercise Requirements:
On a sheet of paper, write a set of test cases (i.e., specific sets of data) that you feel would adequately test this program.
The next step is an evaluation of the effectiveness of your testing. It turns out that this program is more difficult to write than it first appears.
As a result, different versions of this program have been studied, and a list of common errors has been compiled. Evaluate your set of test cases by using it to answer the following questions. Give yourself one point for each "yes".
Answers on next page.
1. Do you have a test case that represents a valid scalene triangle? (Note that test cases such as 1,2,3 and 2,5,10 do not warrant a "yes" answer, because there does not exist a triangle having such sides.)
2. Do you have a test case that represents a valid equilateral triangle?
3. Do you have a test case that represents a valid isosceles triangle? (A test case specifying 2,2,4 would not be counted.)
4. Do you have at lest three test cases that represent valid isosceles triangles such that you have tried all three permutations of two equal sides (e.g., 3,3,4; 3,4,3; and 4,3,3)?
5. Do you have a test case in which one side has a zero value?
6. Do you have a test case in which one side has a negative value?
7. Do you have a test case with three integers greater than zero such that the sum of two of the
numbers is equal to the third? (That is, if the program said 1,2,3 represents a scalene triangle, it would contain a bug.)
8. Do you have at lest three test cases in category 7 such that you have tried all three permutations where the length of one side is equal to the sum of the other two sides (e.g., 1,2,3; 1,3,2; and 3,1,2)?
9. Do you have a test case with three integers greater than zero such that the sum of two of the
numbers is less than the third (e.g., 1,2,4 or 12,15,30)?
10. Do you have at least three test cases in category 9 such that you have tried all three permutations (e.g., 1,2,4; 1,4,2 and 4,1,2)?
11. Do you have a test case in which all sides are 0 (i.e., 0,0,0)?
12. Do you have at least one test case specifying non-integer values?
13. Do you have at least one test case specifying the wrong number of values (e.g. two, rather than three, integers)?
14. For each test case, did you specify the expected output from the program in addition to the input?
Of course, a set of test cases that satisfies the above conditions does not guarantee that all possible errors would be found, but since questions 1-13 represent errors that have actually occurred in different versions of this program, an adequate test of this program should expose these errors.
If you are typical, you have done poorly on this test. As a point of reference, highly experienced
professional programmers score, on the average, only 7.8 out of a possible 14.
The point of the exercise is to illustrate that the testing of even a trivial program such as this is not an easy task. And if this is true, consider the difficulty of testing a 100,000-statement air-traffic-control system, a compiler, or even a mundane payroll program.
Taken from: http://www.lsc-group.phys.uwm.edu/daswg/docs/informal/LIGO_Software_QA.pdf
Now my question is this. If we cannot use logic to demonstrate the "truth" of something we have total control over how can we possible use logic to demonstrate the "truth" about our observations of the real-world?
However. The longest program was a couple of hundred lines or so. Whereas useful programs are many hundreds of thousands of lines long and really useful programs are millions of lines long.
Testing is also a good way of establishing the "truth" of a program.
(From Glenford J. Myers, The Art of Software Testing (Wiley, 1979))
"Self-Assessment"
Statement of Requirements:
The program reads three integer values from a card.
The three values are interpreted as representing the lengths of the sides of a triangle. The program prints a message that states whether the triangle is scalene, isosceles, or equilateral.
Your Exercise Requirements:
On a sheet of paper, write a set of test cases (i.e., specific sets of data) that you feel would adequately test this program.
The next step is an evaluation of the effectiveness of your testing. It turns out that this program is more difficult to write than it first appears.
As a result, different versions of this program have been studied, and a list of common errors has been compiled. Evaluate your set of test cases by using it to answer the following questions. Give yourself one point for each "yes".
Answers on next page.
1. Do you have a test case that represents a valid scalene triangle? (Note that test cases such as 1,2,3 and 2,5,10 do not warrant a "yes" answer, because there does not exist a triangle having such sides.)
2. Do you have a test case that represents a valid equilateral triangle?
3. Do you have a test case that represents a valid isosceles triangle? (A test case specifying 2,2,4 would not be counted.)
4. Do you have at lest three test cases that represent valid isosceles triangles such that you have tried all three permutations of two equal sides (e.g., 3,3,4; 3,4,3; and 4,3,3)?
5. Do you have a test case in which one side has a zero value?
6. Do you have a test case in which one side has a negative value?
7. Do you have a test case with three integers greater than zero such that the sum of two of the
numbers is equal to the third? (That is, if the program said 1,2,3 represents a scalene triangle, it would contain a bug.)
8. Do you have at lest three test cases in category 7 such that you have tried all three permutations where the length of one side is equal to the sum of the other two sides (e.g., 1,2,3; 1,3,2; and 3,1,2)?
9. Do you have a test case with three integers greater than zero such that the sum of two of the
numbers is less than the third (e.g., 1,2,4 or 12,15,30)?
10. Do you have at least three test cases in category 9 such that you have tried all three permutations (e.g., 1,2,4; 1,4,2 and 4,1,2)?
11. Do you have a test case in which all sides are 0 (i.e., 0,0,0)?
12. Do you have at least one test case specifying non-integer values?
13. Do you have at least one test case specifying the wrong number of values (e.g. two, rather than three, integers)?
14. For each test case, did you specify the expected output from the program in addition to the input?
Of course, a set of test cases that satisfies the above conditions does not guarantee that all possible errors would be found, but since questions 1-13 represent errors that have actually occurred in different versions of this program, an adequate test of this program should expose these errors.
If you are typical, you have done poorly on this test. As a point of reference, highly experienced
professional programmers score, on the average, only 7.8 out of a possible 14.
The point of the exercise is to illustrate that the testing of even a trivial program such as this is not an easy task. And if this is true, consider the difficulty of testing a 100,000-statement air-traffic-control system, a compiler, or even a mundane payroll program.
Taken from: http://www.lsc-group.phys.uwm.edu/daswg/docs/informal/LIGO_Software_QA.pdf
Now my question is this. If we cannot use logic to demonstrate the "truth" of something we have total control over how can we possible use logic to demonstrate the "truth" about our observations of the real-world?
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Leaving Omnipotence
The world, my world indeed, feels like a bigger place than I can possibly grasp. I cannot tie it all up in nice symmetry. I can, maybe, by thoughtful trial and error discover what works and what doesn't but for the moment I give up on the attempt of having it all tied together in one manageable framework.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Leaving Intellectualism
Many of the influential Others in my life have claimed access knowledge that I don't possess. To date I've limited myself to two reactions. The first is to yield and accept what They say, and the second is to fervently study Their knowledge for myself in order to deconstruct and neutralise it.
However over the last few days my soul has changed its response and these old patterns merely appear as flight and fight.
Now I simply walk away in search of a different response to the threat.
So goodbye intellectualism. Farewell I wish you luck.
However over the last few days my soul has changed its response and these old patterns merely appear as flight and fight.
Now I simply walk away in search of a different response to the threat.
So goodbye intellectualism. Farewell I wish you luck.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
My fear of sex eduction
A while ago I did a coaching weekend with Adrian Gilpin of the Institute of Human Development which I thoroughly enjoyed and have found very useful. He introduced me to Tony Robbins, the Enneagram and the Sedona Method as well as some great books, and quotes from people past.
One of the points he made was how different we all are and illustrated this by a game. When the Institute were running conferences they would get everybody to gather in groups of ten. Each group of ten people would choose a single word for the group, either "sex" or "education". Each individual person in the group would write down ten words that they associate with the group's single word. When everybody had written down their ten words the group would compare notes and make a list of any word that appeared on *all* ten peoples list. All the results of the groups were collated for the conference.
The question is what was the largest number of words that a group had in common? The answer surprised me. Over the number of years and the tens of thousands of people they never had any group with a single word in common!!!
My fear of sex education is this that the Church is so uniform that it might score higher than the average coaching seminar audience.
Would anybody be up for trying this game?
One of the points he made was how different we all are and illustrated this by a game. When the Institute were running conferences they would get everybody to gather in groups of ten. Each group of ten people would choose a single word for the group, either "sex" or "education". Each individual person in the group would write down ten words that they associate with the group's single word. When everybody had written down their ten words the group would compare notes and make a list of any word that appeared on *all* ten peoples list. All the results of the groups were collated for the conference.
The question is what was the largest number of words that a group had in common? The answer surprised me. Over the number of years and the tens of thousands of people they never had any group with a single word in common!!!
My fear of sex education is this that the Church is so uniform that it might score higher than the average coaching seminar audience.
Would anybody be up for trying this game?
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Who's responsible to fix up my life?
Me or you?
Ah, you say it's me.
Hmmm, that's interesting.
So tell me, if it’s me then why the heck is your love so flipping conditional and why on earth do you expend so much effort trying to reform me?
Don't you think that just maybe you might be being a little inconsistent here - maybe you might have one or two tiny issues of control?
I dunno. What do you think?
Ah, you say it's me.
Hmmm, that's interesting.
So tell me, if it’s me then why the heck is your love so flipping conditional and why on earth do you expend so much effort trying to reform me?
Don't you think that just maybe you might be being a little inconsistent here - maybe you might have one or two tiny issues of control?
I dunno. What do you think?
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Be a Better Man
I love this song by Robbie Williams:
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
As I listen to those words I feel that God has already answered my prayer. I have those arms and they provide comfort in times of anxiety and discomfort - they allow me to move on and "be a better man".
Sometimes I wonder what the Gospel is all about. When you examine its essence, reconnection with God, His creation and our fellow man for sure. However although I know I need to walk a life of faith in God in order to be able to connect to Him, presently I’m not convinced that the only way that life can be accessed is through the story in the New Testament. Sometimes it just doesn’t resonate.
The idea that I have an insurmountable problem of missing-the-mark in terms of connecting with God just doesn’t ring true for me. Yes I need to live a life of faith like Abraham but the supporting evidence of my depravity such that I cannot access that life without the sacrifice of the Christ seems, frankly, made up, a self-referential control system, a myth taken out of context.
I can see that for some that the idea of the substitution of Christ for them might lead them to a life of faith but it’s just not the only way. I just don’t buy into the idea of a metaphysical transaction. It doesn’t ring resonate with anything else in my life. So I question its validity. It strikes me that to make that myth exclusive might lead to a close-minded and ultimately legalistic system unable to impact humanity effectively to bring about the Kingdom of God. Oh that sounds familiar doesn’t it?
So I am left wondering if the “Gospel” actually adds anything to the honest pursuit to “be a better man”. I don't know. At this point in time I just don't know.
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
As I listen to those words I feel that God has already answered my prayer. I have those arms and they provide comfort in times of anxiety and discomfort - they allow me to move on and "be a better man".
Sometimes I wonder what the Gospel is all about. When you examine its essence, reconnection with God, His creation and our fellow man for sure. However although I know I need to walk a life of faith in God in order to be able to connect to Him, presently I’m not convinced that the only way that life can be accessed is through the story in the New Testament. Sometimes it just doesn’t resonate.
The idea that I have an insurmountable problem of missing-the-mark in terms of connecting with God just doesn’t ring true for me. Yes I need to live a life of faith like Abraham but the supporting evidence of my depravity such that I cannot access that life without the sacrifice of the Christ seems, frankly, made up, a self-referential control system, a myth taken out of context.
I can see that for some that the idea of the substitution of Christ for them might lead them to a life of faith but it’s just not the only way. I just don’t buy into the idea of a metaphysical transaction. It doesn’t ring resonate with anything else in my life. So I question its validity. It strikes me that to make that myth exclusive might lead to a close-minded and ultimately legalistic system unable to impact humanity effectively to bring about the Kingdom of God. Oh that sounds familiar doesn’t it?
So I am left wondering if the “Gospel” actually adds anything to the honest pursuit to “be a better man”. I don't know. At this point in time I just don't know.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Lust for Power II
I’m presently figuring out what church means to me. I went out the other day with some Christian friends. We had a lovely time just living life together for an evening – very in the moment. Something I have time and energy for.
Also we’re figuring out where to live. I remember admonitions from pastors that you *should* consider what church you’re going to go to when you move. Something that in the past was high on my priority list.
So thinking of moving somewhere else and enjoying the community of believers I was wondering about my long lost ambition of church planting – going somewhere and forming a community of believers – a community of love.
I remember the folks that used to attend church planting conferences. It always seemed about taking the city for Christ , or making an impact – the means was love, the end was selfish ambition.
No interest.
I wonder, would it be possible to form a community that grows in relationship and love letting go of the arrogant lust for power that destroys the very kingdom that we would like to build?
At the moment, here and now, I just wonder.
Also we’re figuring out where to live. I remember admonitions from pastors that you *should* consider what church you’re going to go to when you move. Something that in the past was high on my priority list.
So thinking of moving somewhere else and enjoying the community of believers I was wondering about my long lost ambition of church planting – going somewhere and forming a community of believers – a community of love.
I remember the folks that used to attend church planting conferences. It always seemed about taking the city for Christ , or making an impact – the means was love, the end was selfish ambition.
No interest.
I wonder, would it be possible to form a community that grows in relationship and love letting go of the arrogant lust for power that destroys the very kingdom that we would like to build?
At the moment, here and now, I just wonder.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Gospel of authenticity
Another of my Gospels, and one that promises freedom to an achievement oriented personality (see Enneagram type Three).
Basically my whole life has been impacted by my need to please people to avoid being shamed by them and the belief that I can better myself. Similar ideas, however one flows out of wholeness and the other out of brokenness.
The awful thing is that the growth from the bettering yourself is used by the avoid shame mechanism. See http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/d/3.asp about 5/8th of the way down under "The Levels Of Development" for a fuller description.
So you become a slave to your own success. :o(
The only way out of this loop is to embrace authenticity - to be totally transparent. You can then be all you can be and not be a slave to your success. People know where they stand with you.
Redemption by deliberate character transformation. Hmmm. Has anyone said this before?
Basically my whole life has been impacted by my need to please people to avoid being shamed by them and the belief that I can better myself. Similar ideas, however one flows out of wholeness and the other out of brokenness.
The awful thing is that the growth from the bettering yourself is used by the avoid shame mechanism. See http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/d/3.asp about 5/8th of the way down under "The Levels Of Development" for a fuller description.
So you become a slave to your own success. :o(
The only way out of this loop is to embrace authenticity - to be totally transparent. You can then be all you can be and not be a slave to your success. People know where they stand with you.
Redemption by deliberate character transformation. Hmmm. Has anyone said this before?
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Lust of Power
A while ago I went to a meeting mainly of Christian leaders talking about new forms of Church. The speakers’ subject was on their experiences of doing missionary work in a Hindu and Muslim context – one of them was Indian himself – a very humble man. I really enjoyed the personalities and characters of the speakers – their love if you like.
At a couple of points we had the chance to dialog in smaller groups. I was horrified at the amount of arrogance and need for control that many people exuded. Many appeared concerned with building their own kingdoms, lusting after their goals, and willing to prostitute themselves to get their way.
These judgements could be the projection of my own arrogance and control issues of which I certainly have had my share so for the moment so I’ll keep the assertion that these things are my perception at this point in time.
However it does strike me out of the three lusts mentioned by St John (Money, Sex & Power) that the lust of power is the weak point in the awareness of a closed minded culture. It saddens me that it is so prevalent and yet could so easily be dealt with.
In epilogue I add that I am aware how judgemental these words could seem but that judgement is not my intention. I don’t see missing the mark as wrongness to be punished but as limitation to be set free from. If I had no effective way of dealing with the limiting emotions myself then I would just accept things as they are, but I have a way and I feel therefore that I may simply try to observe without passing judgement. As someone once said “All I want is your honest reflection and partially formed opinion even as I give mine”. I concur.
At a couple of points we had the chance to dialog in smaller groups. I was horrified at the amount of arrogance and need for control that many people exuded. Many appeared concerned with building their own kingdoms, lusting after their goals, and willing to prostitute themselves to get their way.
These judgements could be the projection of my own arrogance and control issues of which I certainly have had my share so for the moment so I’ll keep the assertion that these things are my perception at this point in time.
However it does strike me out of the three lusts mentioned by St John (Money, Sex & Power) that the lust of power is the weak point in the awareness of a closed minded culture. It saddens me that it is so prevalent and yet could so easily be dealt with.
In epilogue I add that I am aware how judgemental these words could seem but that judgement is not my intention. I don’t see missing the mark as wrongness to be punished but as limitation to be set free from. If I had no effective way of dealing with the limiting emotions myself then I would just accept things as they are, but I have a way and I feel therefore that I may simply try to observe without passing judgement. As someone once said “All I want is your honest reflection and partially formed opinion even as I give mine”. I concur.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Some point in your life
At some point in life you realise that the external world doesn't change depending on how you are feeling. As you relax, your awareness expands, you realise that who you are and how you behave is down to your own choice and the momentum of those choices. You unterstand that you allowed yourself to be conditioned by your environment and that sometimes you had to go along with it as otherwise it would have been very painful however you realise that once the external pressure is gone you are free to change to be who you want to be. You also realise that sometimes bearing short term pain is worth the long term gain and you realise that you are master of your own destiny. At some point in your life all this may become clear.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Searching the Scriptures
You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life.
Have you ever wondered if it is possible to diligently study too much?
Have you ever really thought about the implications of that answer?
Have you ever readjusted your sails in response?
It's a just thought, only a thought.
Have you ever wondered if it is possible to diligently study too much?
Have you ever really thought about the implications of that answer?
Have you ever readjusted your sails in response?
It's a just thought, only a thought.
Religious Monopoly
Could we allow ourselves to feel what it would be like to land on the square that says "Go straight to Hell, do not pass Go and do not collect £200", all on the, apparent, roll of a dice?
Would we entertain the possibility of empathising with those who have lived as if this were true?
When will we allow ourselves to be softened by the revelation that abuse is real, painful, a family secret and denied by the Christian community?
Would we entertain the possibility of empathising with those who have lived as if this were true?
When will we allow ourselves to be softened by the revelation that abuse is real, painful, a family secret and denied by the Christian community?
Friday, July 08, 2005
Why Christianity?
I was thinking about my life this morning. My feelings of pain and desolation and my determination to build a good life here on Earth as it is in Heaven. I don't fully understand what it is about contemporary Christianity that seems to miss the mark and why it is so hard to find a goal to shoot for but I hope that by putting my shoulder to the plow with the Creator I might just be able to starting building that which I hope for and express in the Lord's prayer. "Your Kingdom come, your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." Amen and Amen.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
My Killer Question
The cost in my life of trying to honestly live to the standard of Matthew 5:48 ("Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.") has been huge. This seems one verse that takes apart the idea of inerrant scripture. I can no longer agree that this verse is reasonable. And the problem is I have to doubt the existance of God because my faith is still too foundational no matter how hard I struggle against it. I still have a lot of work to do. C'est la vie.
Trimming the Sails
On of my favourite verses is To Risk by William Arthur Ward. My close friends were given a photocopy when I came across it nearly three years ago. But it has taken me that long to understand the last line. D'oh. Homer Simpson moment.
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Culture of unawareness
Sometimes, and far too frequently if truth be told, I can make a mistake due to a generalised lack of awareness. I am working on affirmations and releases for myself to work on this and it's kinda fun moving on. The greater my awareness the more alive I feel.
Sometimes I wonder though if it's just me or if Christianity encourages a culture of unawareness. It feels like preachers demand of the flock to kiss their brains goodbye in order to subsribe to a particular interpretation of the Story. Personally I believe that the Story can allow several life strategies and if the church oversubscribes to one then it is in danger of being like the empereor who's doesn't have the new clothes.
Of course this could be me projecting my own frustration at my own lack of awareness onto the church but I'm sure that isn't the whole of it. I'll be dialoging with friend over the next while to get some more perspective. In the meantime perplexed.
Sometimes I wonder though if it's just me or if Christianity encourages a culture of unawareness. It feels like preachers demand of the flock to kiss their brains goodbye in order to subsribe to a particular interpretation of the Story. Personally I believe that the Story can allow several life strategies and if the church oversubscribes to one then it is in danger of being like the empereor who's doesn't have the new clothes.
Of course this could be me projecting my own frustration at my own lack of awareness onto the church but I'm sure that isn't the whole of it. I'll be dialoging with friend over the next while to get some more perspective. In the meantime perplexed.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Projection of Solutions
A week or so ago I had an terrible realisation that my life was driven by the need to please people. Intuitively I guess approximately 95% of my thoughts are influenced and the prevelence disturbs me.
Presently I am clawing my way up the health levels for a type three on the Enneagram. Currently much of my behaviour is somewhere between levels 3 and 2 and my soul is reaching out for authenticity. I suspect the two things are related.
One area I need to change is my ability to offer solutions to other people without much regard for their actual need. If it kinda fits blurt it. Like feeding pearls to pigs - thanks to Dallas Willard for explaining his perspective on it.
I wonder if actually I am so focussed on other people that I take what my own life needs so much and give it to others maybe expecting them to do the same in return. It seems crazy to expect us to look out for each other in that way. Surely we can bear one anothers burdens but to be responsible for each others growth? No-one else, not even my therapist, has that ammount of internal information about me and I certainly don't have that sort of information on anyone else.
Is it just me or is it possible that my experience of church culture fostered this projection of solutions?
Presently I am clawing my way up the health levels for a type three on the Enneagram. Currently much of my behaviour is somewhere between levels 3 and 2 and my soul is reaching out for authenticity. I suspect the two things are related.
One area I need to change is my ability to offer solutions to other people without much regard for their actual need. If it kinda fits blurt it. Like feeding pearls to pigs - thanks to Dallas Willard for explaining his perspective on it.
I wonder if actually I am so focussed on other people that I take what my own life needs so much and give it to others maybe expecting them to do the same in return. It seems crazy to expect us to look out for each other in that way. Surely we can bear one anothers burdens but to be responsible for each others growth? No-one else, not even my therapist, has that ammount of internal information about me and I certainly don't have that sort of information on anyone else.
Is it just me or is it possible that my experience of church culture fostered this projection of solutions?
Friday, June 24, 2005
Spheres of Influence
The arrogance of yesterday's post struck me. I had originally wanted to include a dilbert cartoon but didn't figure how to upload and link it. So the post was a touch inaccessable and I felt I was being arrogant.
As I was trying to figure out how to backtrack, my mind wandered and I came to the conclusion that living life well is probably much more difficult than solving the most complex of mathematical equations that I could encounter professionally.
As an example my heart resonated with Prodigal Kiwi's recent post NEW SCIENCE, NEW URBANISM, NEW ARCHITECTURE, SPIRITUALITY? A day later I wonder if the author's life is as artistic as the dream he portrays.
I may never know the about that author but I do know for myself that I can create a beautiful life first and see how big I can make it. I can't do anything else but I so want to.
I want the significance of being a Voice. But this is just one man's trail at the moment. Maybe it will become the trail of two, than maybe a family, then add some friends, and who knows one days I'll be a great influence like Budda, Christ or Mohammed changing the lives of countless millions. Dreams. Need for significance.
Maybe one day but in all likelihood not. In the meantime I will work on my own issues, the first on my list today is a fear of being truely honest and open...
As I was trying to figure out how to backtrack, my mind wandered and I came to the conclusion that living life well is probably much more difficult than solving the most complex of mathematical equations that I could encounter professionally.
As an example my heart resonated with Prodigal Kiwi's recent post NEW SCIENCE, NEW URBANISM, NEW ARCHITECTURE, SPIRITUALITY? A day later I wonder if the author's life is as artistic as the dream he portrays.
I may never know the about that author but I do know for myself that I can create a beautiful life first and see how big I can make it. I can't do anything else but I so want to.
I want the significance of being a Voice. But this is just one man's trail at the moment. Maybe it will become the trail of two, than maybe a family, then add some friends, and who knows one days I'll be a great influence like Budda, Christ or Mohammed changing the lives of countless millions. Dreams. Need for significance.
Maybe one day but in all likelihood not. In the meantime I will work on my own issues, the first on my list today is a fear of being truely honest and open...
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Before the fact?
"... remember to bring your awareness, as fully as possible, to the following patterns:... Over-interpreting your experience ..."
My sleepy head and half open eyes nearly digested that when I arrive on the desk this morning. The laughter of brokers squawking over the box did I have to confess interupt me from giving that thought the attention it so deserved. The quiet buzz of the trading floor gradually permeates me and the double dose of condensed caffine that a close friend refers to as the evil liquid, stires me to consider. In this half awake half asleep state I find I can connect with some of the depths of my soul, like looking through the surounding rain forest into a deep mountain pool filled by tumbling cascading waterfalls.
Hmmm. I like John Franke's thought that theology is a reflective or second order activity and I consider do I too over interpret my experience? I wonder if I theologise before I experience or after, if I try and conform my world to my God-Theories or if I allow God to emerge from the daily experience of his creation.
My sleepy head and half open eyes nearly digested that when I arrive on the desk this morning. The laughter of brokers squawking over the box did I have to confess interupt me from giving that thought the attention it so deserved. The quiet buzz of the trading floor gradually permeates me and the double dose of condensed caffine that a close friend refers to as the evil liquid, stires me to consider. In this half awake half asleep state I find I can connect with some of the depths of my soul, like looking through the surounding rain forest into a deep mountain pool filled by tumbling cascading waterfalls.
Hmmm. I like John Franke's thought that theology is a reflective or second order activity and I consider do I too over interpret my experience? I wonder if I theologise before I experience or after, if I try and conform my world to my God-Theories or if I allow God to emerge from the daily experience of his creation.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Gospels
The other day I swore to myself that I would stop ending up in conversations that feel like endless circles. If I didn't learn so much from these people who disagree with me I'd kick the habit. Honest.
It frustates the heck out of me that few people can describe why their Gospel is good news. I am left with the feeling that maybe somewhere there is an authentic message but as sure as hell it's not right there in that particular dialog. So I started writing down some of the Gospels that I could talk about and I'm quite excited about them - maybe the feeling will wear thin, but it's a start. ;o).
So the missing books of the bible according to DangerMouse include:
The Gospel of Responsibility - the good news is if I take responsibility then my life improves
The Gospel of Awareness - the more I am aware of the more I can take responsibility for in my life
The Gospel of Releasing - the drug of choice, emotional release is the beginning of true spirituality
The Gospel of Internal Authority - as I choose what is right and wrong, my fears melt
The Gospel of Acceptance - resting in God's order is the essence of peace and happiness
The Gospel of Faith - God says it'll be alright in the end so I'll live my life in courageous belief - that stance was good enough for God to call Abraham righteous so I'll hope to acheive the same
The Gospel of Being - a long term favourite - Psalm 139 rocks - God created me and my job is to be what he created not what everyone else wants me to be
Unfortunately the Gospel of Escape from Metaphysical Eternal Punishment just doesn't entice my postmodern mind anymore but I'm happy to feed my addiction of cyclic conversation if anyone wants to tell me otherwise - for a while anyway. Each to his own I guess.
It frustates the heck out of me that few people can describe why their Gospel is good news. I am left with the feeling that maybe somewhere there is an authentic message but as sure as hell it's not right there in that particular dialog. So I started writing down some of the Gospels that I could talk about and I'm quite excited about them - maybe the feeling will wear thin, but it's a start. ;o).
So the missing books of the bible according to DangerMouse include:
The Gospel of Responsibility - the good news is if I take responsibility then my life improves
The Gospel of Awareness - the more I am aware of the more I can take responsibility for in my life
The Gospel of Releasing - the drug of choice, emotional release is the beginning of true spirituality
The Gospel of Internal Authority - as I choose what is right and wrong, my fears melt
The Gospel of Acceptance - resting in God's order is the essence of peace and happiness
The Gospel of Faith - God says it'll be alright in the end so I'll live my life in courageous belief - that stance was good enough for God to call Abraham righteous so I'll hope to acheive the same
The Gospel of Being - a long term favourite - Psalm 139 rocks - God created me and my job is to be what he created not what everyone else wants me to be
Unfortunately the Gospel of Escape from Metaphysical Eternal Punishment just doesn't entice my postmodern mind anymore but I'm happy to feed my addiction of cyclic conversation if anyone wants to tell me otherwise - for a while anyway. Each to his own I guess.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Gospel of the Wasteland
Thanks to a good therapist, the Sedona Method (www.sedona.com) but principally a loving girlfriend I am presently becoming aware of my arrogance. Defined by but not limited to: Above Reproach, Aloof, Arrogant, Bigoted, Boastful, Bored, Clever, Closed, Complacent, Conceited, Contemptuous, Cool, Critical, Disdain, Dogmatic, False Dignitity, False Humility, False Virtue, Gloating, Haughty, Holier than thou, Hypocritical, Icy, Isolated, Judgemental, Know-it-all, Narrow-minded, Never wrong, Opinionated, Overbearing, Patronizing, Pious, Prejudiced, Presumptuous, Righteous, Rigid, Self-absorbed, Self-satisfied, Selfish, Smug, Snobbish, Special, Spoiled, Stoic, Stubborn, Stuck-up, Superior, Uncompromising, Unfeeling, Unforgiving, Unyielding, Vain. Phew!!! ;o).
Painful but full of hope.
The Wasteland... is any world in which... force not love, indoctrination, not education, authority, not experience, prevail in the ordering of lives, and where myths and rites enforced and received are consequently unrelated to the actual inward realizations, needs, and potentialities of those upon whom they are impressed. -- Joseph Campbell, The Masks of God: Creative Mythology
I’d always likened it to institutional issues – the theology of church, education policies etc. – but isn’t it possible for it to have a more personal meaning? While I push the issue onto the institutional I keep it away from the spheres of my own responsibility but as I allow myself to see myself as arrogant I can see how I’ve banished my Important Others into my wasteland at various times over various issues. I’ve been so defended that I have slipped into an unyielding and uncompromising arrogance.
But herein lies the Gospel of the Wasteland. Instead of forcing, I can allow love and weakness to prevail, instead of demanding and trying to indoctrinate I can openly share my perspective to educate and instead of demanding conformance of behaviour to my authority I can allow the Other to experience who I am resulting in the shared life of the Us being ordered according to the needs of the Me, the You and the Us.
Painful but full of hope.
The Wasteland... is any world in which... force not love, indoctrination, not education, authority, not experience, prevail in the ordering of lives, and where myths and rites enforced and received are consequently unrelated to the actual inward realizations, needs, and potentialities of those upon whom they are impressed. -- Joseph Campbell, The Masks of God: Creative Mythology
I’d always likened it to institutional issues – the theology of church, education policies etc. – but isn’t it possible for it to have a more personal meaning? While I push the issue onto the institutional I keep it away from the spheres of my own responsibility but as I allow myself to see myself as arrogant I can see how I’ve banished my Important Others into my wasteland at various times over various issues. I’ve been so defended that I have slipped into an unyielding and uncompromising arrogance.
But herein lies the Gospel of the Wasteland. Instead of forcing, I can allow love and weakness to prevail, instead of demanding and trying to indoctrinate I can openly share my perspective to educate and instead of demanding conformance of behaviour to my authority I can allow the Other to experience who I am resulting in the shared life of the Us being ordered according to the needs of the Me, the You and the Us.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Deconstructing purpose
Deconstruction is prevelent. I've spent the last three or four years taking apart the whole of my soul - pretty much. People talk about it, though sometimes from the lightness of their conversation you have to wonder how deep it went.
But now I'm starting to enjoy some of its fruits. I realised the other day that I did actually have to deconstruct my whole purpose in life in order to find it. I think someone else said that didn't they? The thing that feels more ironic is that church keeps telling my what my life should be about!!! Isn't that the exact opposite that what the master said?
But now I'm starting to enjoy some of its fruits. I realised the other day that I did actually have to deconstruct my whole purpose in life in order to find it. I think someone else said that didn't they? The thing that feels more ironic is that church keeps telling my what my life should be about!!! Isn't that the exact opposite that what the master said?
Friday, June 10, 2005
Fear of hell
The other day on the way to work I was realising that my life had been driven by a fear of a metaphysic hell. As I walked along I found myself reasoning, if God is the loving God who she claims to be then I don't need to worry about it as she is gracious and kind and if she is an evil control freek then I'm stuffed anyway so there is no point in worrying about it.
So a couple of months ago I stopped worrying about it.
Life's a lot more fun now.
So a couple of months ago I stopped worrying about it.
Life's a lot more fun now.
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