Aggghhhhh. This is so frustrating and at this point in time I'm not diagnosing any responsibility. I realise that I am so used to someone telling me what to do that I find it very uncomfortable and distressing to not have someone directing my every move. I am reminded of things like "You'd better watch out that the devil doesn't lead you astray" and "you can't trust your feelings" and the idea that something I think might be corrupt so I'd better submit it to others first, however I don't think church is the only instigator of this in my life.
The result is a very capable robot who finds it emotionally taxing to organise the little things in life like what to have for breakfast, what to pack for holiday, what to spend money on, and how to file the post.
I am so dependent on others it is scary. I am so incapacitated it is awful to behold.
Oh well. C'est la vie.
3 comments:
I, for one, would be more than happy to head up the Committee to Run Dangermouse's Life (CRDL - pronounced "curdle"), for a small fee, which can be negotiated at a later time.
We'll gather semimonthly (fortnightly, to you, I think) at a location to be announced (Virgin Islands, most likely) and at your expense. After a morning swim, we will meet over exotic drinks and discuss things like wardrobe, church attendance, breakfast cereals, television viewing, pet selection, magazine subscriptions, family planning, and anything else we can think of. Oh yes, what to get your blog friends for Christmas.
I'm here for you, my friend.
lololol
Seriously,
Oddly, I'm reminded of the parable of the talents. When the master charged the stewards with watching his money, he left. He didn't stay around to guide them, or give them advice or help them make decisions. He left them on their own.
In the end, the one found unacceptable was the steward who let fear and uncertainty (perhaps overanalysis?) rule his behavior. While the church does little to dissuade us from capitulating to its manipulations, it is often already our instinct to do so (Jesus himself refers to us as sheep). We need to develop confidence in the abilities we have been given. And we grow more readily in discomfort than in the repose of easier times.
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