Packing my bags

I am stressed because I don’t know how to cook but I know that nutrition is important. I feel much the same way as I did when I was getting stressed out about packing for holiday.

I don’t know how to keep the house clean but I like a clean house. I don’t know how to keep on top of my filing but I like a tidy house. I struggle to keep the garden.

The worse thing is that I hide in books, in internet browsing, in distractions to keep me for experiencing the pain of not being who I want to be or maybe rather not doing what I want to do or maybe not achieving what I want to achieve.

This feels like a feeling that I have been labelling as sin. But actually it isn’t sin. It is lack of learning. Like many men I’ve just gone from one caregiver to another and never learnt to practically stand on my own two feet. The last three years instead of learning how to do so I have flitted from one thing to another in search of peace.

However peace is totally free and easily accessible, so what I need to do is to face the things I am running away from. And change them. It’s not even like they are all that hard. Many people on this planet have learned to cook, to clean, to file, to cut grass even as I learned to pack a back for holidays.