If the Other isn't aware or in denial in a relationship you have a problem. You desire intimacy but the actions of the Other work against it. I think you are limited to three strategies:
Strategy One
Drop it. Their behaviour isn't all that destructive and you can be bigger than the situation.
Strategy Two
Communicate clearly, carefully, and considerately to change it and with a responsive Other you both win.
Strategy Three
Walk away.
Some may also say you can give an ultimatum. Personally my concern is that if you control the Other you can end up with feigned obedience - effectively destroying the relational interaction you desire as you have no way of telling their heart in the matter.
8 comments:
Man, you speak my mind so often. Thanks!
It's freedom to be obedient because we see the life in it, as opposed to being forced into it.
;-)
*grin*
I think I need to explore this some more my friend - join me.
It's like Christians are trying to evangelise through ultimatum. No wonder why no-one likes us. LOL.
Acceptance and peace
DM
I agree Jeff - http://thoughtkid.blogspot.com/2005/06/fear-of-hell.html
DM
Freedom permits us to be drawn to something we love, rather than pushed toward something we fear...
Do you think that, when it was fear that pushed someone to God, they can ever make the transition to a love based relationship? I really have to wonder. I'm not sure that transition is even possible. When fear is our motivation, it will always have a place in our lives as part of the formula. Once it is infused into us, I think it is there to stay. We can ignore it, and pretend it doesn't exist, but given a chance it will raise it's ugly head. A relationship based on fear will always contain that as an element. And fear limits trust in any relationship. We will always have to "hold back" some part of our trust in order to protect ourselves and protect that fear that resides deep inside. A relationship built on limited trust cannot reach it's potential. We will miss out of much of what God has for us if we can't trust Him fully.
I'm still en-route on that one. I think sometimes we all tend to make some concepts a single thing either there or not. So in this example we either have a relationship or not or it is based on fear or not but I imagine that there must be atleast a thousand different threads that make up the rope of our connection to God and some are fear based and some are love based. So maybe I started out with 40 out of 50 were fear based. But my relationship strengthened to have 200 threads. 150 were fear based, 50 love based. The relationship grows stronger, new threads are added and some are cut away. Gradually the number of love threads and the number of fear threads changes over time.
I think that's my internal experience.
Peace
DM
I guess my journey has been a bit similar. Except that I found myself frustrated with theologies that didn't make sense, religious organizations that repulsed me, and fellowship that was focused on manipulation and control. I left the institution, but my fear of God kept pushing me to do SOMETHING to try to satisfy him. I sought God, but I only found more frustration. Add to the heap, the nagging doubt in my salvation, and my terrible shame at not being able to measure up... and I nearly ended up in the psych ward.
But, breaking away from traditional christian religion, I began to find others in the same situation, and began to learn about an all new God. I learned about a Creator who loved me whether I loved him or not. I learned about a Father whose love was so perfect, that came to me without requirement, or expectation. I soon found myself drawn to Him in the most powerful ways.
Learning these things brought such complete freedom into my life that I found myself changing incredibly. For the first time in my life, I was truly trusting the One who is the source of my life. I found connection with Him in the strongest sense. We became traveling companions in the journey of life. And it is good.
The fear of God is a major relationship breaker. In fact, it might be THE relationship breaker. Freedom to pursue relationship without fear, guilt, and shame... is Life itself.
BruceD
It sounds like we have similar stories. The details are different but an experience that we can't deny. hmmmm.
Peace
DM
Post a Comment