A week or so ago I had an terrible realisation that my life was driven by the need to please people. Intuitively I guess approximately 95% of my thoughts are influenced and the prevelence disturbs me.
Presently I am clawing my way up the health levels for a type three on the Enneagram. Currently much of my behaviour is somewhere between levels 3 and 2 and my soul is reaching out for authenticity. I suspect the two things are related.
One area I need to change is my ability to offer solutions to other people without much regard for their actual need. If it kinda fits blurt it. Like feeding pearls to pigs - thanks to Dallas Willard for explaining his perspective on it.
I wonder if actually I am so focussed on other people that I take what my own life needs so much and give it to others maybe expecting them to do the same in return. It seems crazy to expect us to look out for each other in that way. Surely we can bear one anothers burdens but to be responsible for each others growth? No-one else, not even my therapist, has that ammount of internal information about me and I certainly don't have that sort of information on anyone else.
Is it just me or is it possible that my experience of church culture fostered this projection of solutions?
1 comment:
Hi DangerMouse, a very good thought. A couple questions: first, could your drive to please people be a selfish desire at the core? i.e. You acquiesce to others because it relieves some sort of pressure to conform or creates a sense of feeling needed? Second, how specifically might church culture be connecting with this?
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