Resource List

The beginnings of the map

The Road Less Traveled - Scott M Peck
The start of the journey for me into real self discovery.

Intimacy: The Essence of Male and Female - Shirley Gehrke Luthman
For me soul food. I loved the vision of an authentic and intimate relationship.

CD: Shame - Pia Mellody
Getting to understand my two marriages and many of the dynamics in them as well as seeing my issues more thoroughly

(Inner) FITness and The FIT Corporation - Ben Fletcher
A framework for living. 5 basic principals that serve me on an on going basis - Self-Responsibility, Awareness, Balancing, Fearlessness, Ethics - combined with FITIntegrity and Behavioural Flexibility.

Slow Sex - Nicole Daedone
A way to start opening up and getting to the heart of true desire.

Vagina - Naomi Wolfe
My biggest take away was the link between sexual awakening and unleashed creativity. I wish that for every woman on the planet.

The Healing Connection - Jean Baker Miller
Introduces the idea of connection as mutual empathy and empowerment. Essential.

The Complexity Of Connection: Writings from the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute
A collection of academic quality essays and conference papers on the subject of connection. Dense and well worth it.

CD: Getting In Sync With The Opposite Sex - Alison Armstrong
Brilliant introduction to some advanced man-woman interactions

Bad Science - Ben Goldacre
A great way to end addiction to New Age et al. Helped me become evidence based in my outlook.

Mindsight - Daniel Seigel

Currently reading:

Collection - A Continuation of "Intimacy" - Shirley Gehrke Luthman

The Power Of Mindful Learning - Ellen J Langer

Mindfulness - Ellen J Langer

CDs: Pia Mellody


Relational Cultural Theory
http://www.jbmti.org/
http://www.wcwonline.org/Videos-by-WCW-Scholars-and-Trainers/humans-are-hardwired-to-connect (especially 7min30s onwards)


Exploring:
www.core.eqi.org/invalid.htm
http://stevehein.com/
http://core.eqi.org/
http://www.experienceproject.com/explore/Sexless-Marriage


TRAININGS

Highly Recommended:
Non-Violent Communication
Inner FITness
Emotional exploration of some sort

• Sedona Method - http://www.sedona.com/, 
• Focussing - Eugene T. Gendlin

Body Work - Cranio-sacral therapy, Alexander Technique, Shiatsu

Essential part of my journey - recommended:
Imago
Group TherapyLandmark (Forum, Advanced, Self Expression and Leadership Program, Graduate Seminar - Breakthroughs, Communication Curriculum, Introduction Leaders Program)
Nutritional Understanding - Tony Robbins Life Mastery, Juicing
Libby Adams' Transformational Meditation - http://www.academyofselfknowledge.com/adams.asp
ManKind Project
Tony Robbins (Senior Leader - not so senior really)

Essential part of my journey but not recommended
Van Tharp - SuperTrader
NLP Master Practitioner
Spiral Dynamics
Enneagram - http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
Myers Briggs

Merely notably part of my journey
Transactional Analysis
A coaching weekend with IHD - http://www.ihd.co.uk/ - where my current journey really started
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy


Good:

30 Lies About Money

Fast Thinking Slow Thinking

The Never Ending Quest - Clare Graves
The theory of spiral dynamics by the originating theorist. What's great is the observation that as humans we are always pursuing the answer to one hard to solve question and with growth our questions change. It's been somewhat hijacked by Ken Wilbur which has moved it into New Age spirituality and away from it's key message. Academically dense.

Responsibility

Wow I'm back after years.

I read this "I am not responsible for how a person treats me. I can only influence how a person feels towards me. The way a person acts towards me has nothing to do with me... It says nothing about me...".

I want to add to it - I can choose to be responsible for how another treats me. Ultimately there is some action I can take that will totally change their behaviour towards me.

One the other hand I think it true to say is that I can have a sense of worth in the face of someone mistreating me.

Although the impact of another on us is palpable - consider a person being lynched at the hands of the Klu-Klux-Klan. They could cry out "Freedom" in a manner similar to Mel Gibson in the film Brave Heart. But even someone that self-expressed I bet would be even more self-expressed in the audience of their cheer-leaders.

Eyes Wide Open - DM

Two realisations

1) that there is no right and wrong only choice and consequence and need and thought and evaluation and feeling.

2) that I own nothing not even the breath that I breathe but it is all given to me from above and all I do have is who I am.

With these I can set aside two whole areas of distraction and focus more on what matters.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked I shall return there
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Judgement

"all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

What a statement. What a quote.

When did you first hear it? How did you feel? What memories does it provoke in you now? What's the context of the passage? Was it used fairly, manipulatively or encouragingly?

For me the quote fills me with depression. It is the archetype of harsh judgemental thinking – a philosophy of beating down another and exerting total control. For me it is steeped in unreasonable judgement. It is used as a proof text to establish a problem that I am not certain really exists objectively outside of human ego – the problem that we are with total certainty deserve to be utterly annihilated in complete pain betrayed by a so called loving God in the most grotesque way imaginable. Then having convinced us that we are only fit for the rubbish heap we are offered a way out if we yield our God created freedom to a controlling task master who is unconcerned for our real wellbeing. At least that’s the way I extrapolate the attitude and logic of many "Christians".

I look at the whole context now and wonder what it says about the writer and their ability to relate to judgement. I wonder what it says about me.

Apparently mercy triumphs over judgement. And yet the Christianity I encountered was steeped in judgement. I think that passage says more about the one who wrote it and those who quote it than it says about the Divine. I think it reveals more about the hearts of men not the heart of God.

It's not enough to be good

I was raised (and strongly conditioned) to be a good boy. I was told to not to hurt others, etc etc etc. I was told to be holy as God was holy.

However it all seems a little unfair when I'm not allowed to kill the firstborn to get my own way and He is. Come on guys what sort of God do we have? Someone worthy of emulating as a role model or not?

Maybe it's time to get smart as well as good?

The Birth of Ego

This one is careering around the empty space in my head banging against my skull in the totally off-hand clueless manner as many of my thoughts. But this one answers a long standing question of mine - "Why did God create the sinful nature?". Well here the theory.

Inside we have a compelling desire to create. Something real. If we don't we feel bad. If we do we feel good. To create something good we have to spend lots of energy from our total budget. Self preservation informs us that we are spending too much. So our flexible brains come up with the idea that we can pretend to create. That way we feel good about what we've created and we don't have to spend much valuable budget on actually doing anything. The part of our brain that comes up with that as a solution persuades the creative part to ignore the fact that the pretend construction isn't real – well largely. I don't think the creative part of the brain is ever totally convinced but it is largely silenced. So far so good. The creative compulsion is largely satisfied, at least to the order of magnitude where the good feelings of completion outweigh the bad feelings of awareness and honesty.

There is one big problem. The Other. They don't share our brain so to protect the fragile system of things we have to persuade them that our construction is real.

I think we now have enough of the theory to extrapolate the process to explain the world we see around us.

Where is your life going once you’ve defeated your inner theological demons?

The theological journey I was on is over. I needed to find a place of being where I wasn’t stressed out by the metaphysical. I am now in a place of communion with God unhindered by the Charismatic Conservative Evangelical theological system I was immersed in for the first 35 years of my life.

The comments of those still in that system no longer bother me. I don’t need to argue anymore. I know what I believe and I believe that that belief is acceptable to the great infinite and eternal.

I see the struggle of those around me trying to make sense of it all and I’ve seen a couple of people enter into a different kind of awareness on this. Eddie of Grace Unzipped is one such person. Steve of Free Thinking Faith is someone who I suspect is close. Jeff and Dorsey I don’t think have the same demons to defeat and are on a different journey. Bruce of YBMT? I think is ahead of me, as are some of the commenters here.

One thing that propelled me to this place was the compelling desire born out of pondering the above question.

So what is your answer and what is your question?

Total Heresy?

I've said this before and let me say it again. Jesus did not need to die for our sins out of any need of God but merely because our own lack of imagination rendered us unable grasp God's love for us.

I think the spiral dynamics model provides a clue as why the idea of Penal Substitution has gained so much momentum. The key is the breadth of awareness in my love. At the first stage (quests 1-3) my love is all about me – Egocentric. At the second stage I barter with you and have a sense of equality in our relationship - Ethnocentric. At the third stage I love as I want connection with you - Worldcentric. At the forth stage I love because it is who I am and it is what I do – Spiritcentric. I love love at this level.

Most of church exists at quest four – Search for Ultimate Peace – Order. In the main the churches loves in a bartering relationship – we may see evidence of this on a weekly basis.

So for me it is not surprising that a church that is principally ordered around bartering relationships projects that level of awareness onto God.

What absolutely astounds me is that Jesus loved us so much that he dies unnecessarily just to penetrate our limited quest 4 perspectives just so we could know the Father. That my friends is the real meaning of the cross.

A change of scenery

Life has been changing a lot for me. A new girlfriend. Some new focuses.

I’m not going to sign off, but I have come to an end of what I needed from interacting here. I have grown by being stretched of the process of writing and engaging with the opinions of others. I have broken through my theological limiting beliefs and have a new perspective on it all.

So that means that my focus of contribution has changed. I am more engaged with those immediately around me. And for the moment I have give up many fond attachments in order to give my best to the most important areas of life. For me this year that means:

1) ensuring that I have a clear vision and plan for the upbringing of my two boys,
2) cultivating friendship and healing in the wounds of my divorce,
3) learning to make money by trading,
4) and fully engaging and committing to having a passionate relationship.

This year is a year to grow in masculinity, spirituality and love. To give what I am on this earth to give and expand into the person who can achieve all this and more.

I have three weeks of intense personal development lined up, and some tough goals in between. For the first time in my life I am setting myself real challenges. And I am already confident that I will meet them.

My girlfriend, in the words of a mutual friend looks ridiculously amazing, she is so loving, so growing and inspires me to be more than I am. She, just by her very presence, sets me a high standard to live by. I love that profoundly.

So that means unfortunately I won’t be contributing here in the way I have. I know that I’ll be missed in the same way that I felt loss at others to had to leave this space, but I take with me into the world many gifts I was given here by other bloggers. So thank you to all. Especially Jeff, Dorsey, Eddie and Bruce. There are many others who have stretched me, and you know who you are.

Acceptance and peace to you all

DM

The quest for consciousness

Borrowed from Tony Robbins' Date With Destiny, and Spiral Dynamics by Don Edward Beck and Christopher C. Cowan.

Consciousness can be simply defined as who and what you care about consistently through time.

Quest 1 - Beige - The search for automatic physiological satisfaction - Survival / Instinct Driven
Quest 2 - Purple - The search for a safe mode of living - Tribal Order
Quest 3 - Red - The search for heroic status: power and glory - Power God
Quest 4 - Blue - The search for ultimate peace - Order & The Absolute
Quest 5 - Orange - The search for material pleasure - Striver-Driver / Achiever
Quest 6 - Green - The search for affectionate relations - Socially Conscious
Quest 7 - Yellow - The search for respect of self - Integrated / Flex Flow
Quest 8 - Turquoise - The search for peace in an incomprehensible world - An Awakened Soul

Egocentric - Beige to Red
Ethocentric - Blue to Orange
Worldcentric - Green
Spiritcentric - Yellow to Turquoise

Different parts of the personality may be on different quests. So professionally a person may be orange, red in their private life, and purple on the sports field. Under stress we tend to descend.

This strikes me as very similar to model that Alan Jamieson expounds in Churchless Faith.

Category 1 - Displaced Followers (Purple to Blue)
Category 2 - Reflective Exiles (Blue to Green)
Category 3 - Transitional Explorers (Orange to Green)
Category 4 - Integrated Way-finders (Green to Yellow)

And also to James Fowler's Stages of faith model.
Stage 1 Intuitive-Projective faith - Beige, Purple
Stage 2 Mythic-Literal faith - Purple, Red
Stage 3 Synthetic-Conventional faith - Red, Blue
Stage 4 Individuative-Reflective faith - Blue, Orange
Stage 5 Conjunctive faith - Green, Yellow
Stage 6 Sainthood - Yellow, Turquoise

Some observations to ponder. In quests 1-6 people often perceive others on different quests as the enemy, for example the conservative evangelical church (blue) sees the catholic church (purple), the church growth movement (orange), the prosperity gospel (orange), emerging church movement (green) as the enemies. You just need to surf blog space to see this in comic contrast.

At stage 7 there is recognition that the dynamics through and between the various stages is part of the growing process. Could this be the process of the seals, trumpets and bowls described in the book of revelation.

To relate this to the emergent church, I suspect that it is a Green organization, as would be postmodernism. One of the defining perspectives of Greens is their anti-structure stance which ultimately is self destructive and a Green then has to move to Yellow or remain forever ineffective. So the dynamic between different churches is necessary and we at all stages work in unison to propel each other onwards. The is perfection in the apparent imperfection.

Embarking on the different quests is the heart of discipleship. It is possible to grow. It is possible to grow faster than many imagine. It is possible to grow intentionally. This is the heart of the spiritual disciplines. We have accepted too many glass ceilings and have learned a helplessness that has infected our hearts and souls. We can be different and mature but we must stop looking to the magical to mystically transport us to sainthood. We must inhibit our desire to process skip. We must stop asking God for a free ride and engage with him on the transformation of our lives. For many this will fee like salvation or sanctification by works however the Yellow and Turquoise perspective can see the hand of God and Man intimately interrelated working together.

I'm not broken

Last night, after a good Alexander Technique lesson, it all of a sudden dawned on me that in fact I am not broken and that I don't need fixing. Ahhhhhh. Sound's obvious right but you see I've been told all my life that I am broken and do need fixing. But I now realise it is just not true. ;o)

A very hard question

God created us with a something that Christian's call the sinful nature - supposedly a destructive element of our psychology. I am wondering what was the original purpose of this part of ourselves?

A Loving Father

"One thing we do know: Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment." – A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, p41.

Wow. I had never really thought that God was THAT interested in my life.

Summary of Romans

If we define sin as living a fearful life and being plagued by the consequences of living in fear, and sinlessness as living in freedom from fear enjoying the faith of Abraham and receiving all the benefits of living fearlessly, then Jesus died so to eliminate the barrier that had thus far prevented us from making the transition and He was raised from the dead to demonstrate the quality of the fearless life. Law is based on fear and belongs to the prior life, grace is based on love and freedom from fear and belongs to the latter life. With this perspective why would we ever choose to live under the law rather than grace? The habit of living in fear takes practice to break but it is possible to break. Let us therefore live in grace. Thanks be to God. ;o)

Disadvantage of Inerrancy #2

It encourages us to see the bible as primary truth.

I agree with John Francke that theology is a second order discipline. That means that it is a process of reflection rather than observation. Science is more about the observable. Theology is about the unobservable.

I would go further and say that the bible is a second order text. Inspired but reflective. It captures observation and constructs a reflective story.

The driving values of inerrancy are to counter scientific argument against religion however to attempt to construct a set of first order observations about a reflective text is total nonsense. In the extreme.

It leads us to deny the empirical. It leads us to spend enormous amounts of intellectual energy creating systems of thought, which is no mean task, centred around a poem. There is no reflective truth. Reflection is conjecture. And as the domain of the empirical expands the reflective must yield ground. However it must also hold its boundaries against unmerited attack from those observers who desire power. Policy must be informed from both perspectives.

The bible is one supreme example of how to reflect in a manner that is sympathetic to our humanity, to creation and to the infinite and eternal. Biblical reflection is example of best practice though clearly uninformed by our current domain of knowledge. Let us instead of trying to assert the infinite bounds of our observation on the bibical reflection let us be aware of these differences and follow the example of the biblical writers in practising good reflection.

Palm Springs

Im going to be in Palm Springs, Ca from 2nd Dec to the 9th Dec. Do any of my friends live anywhere near there?

A better definition of sin

I grasping at straws here.

Sin is the gap between the ideal loving behaviour and actual behaviour. The ideal loving behaviour is what is best for everyone - Self and Other - borne out of love.

The sinful nature is the part of us that pulls us towards self-centred behaviour without regard for others. It is motivated by desire, want or lust. Want is the fear that I don't have everything I need. If I trust then I know that all that I need is provided for me. The sinful nature is a feeling that I don't have rather than an actuality. Hence a poor man might be rich, a rich man poor, a rich man rich or a poor man poor. Since the sinful nature is based on fear it tends to be irrational. In the light of God's promises it is totally irrational.

Feelings can be suppressed only to pop up again at some future point in time against our conscious will. The sinful nature can be suppressed similarly. This is Romans 8.

Feelings can be released. The sinful nature can be released. This is the heart of spiritual disciplines.

The "ideal loving behaviour" is easy when you have no feelings of lack. Holiness is easy when you have no feelings of lack. Releasing all feelings of lack is attainable if you want it more than you want to embrace the feelings of lack. "You must want to be free more than you want the world" - Lester Levenson. "You must loose your life in order to attain it" - Jesus Christ. When you trust that you have all you need, you have no feeling of lack.

The feeling of lack is fear. It is distrust in God's provision. It can be released. Faith in God's provision, is our natural state. You can also have faith in God's provision by having a high degree of self-confidence - you believe he has given you all that you need to meet your own needs. Fear kills the spirit. We can live courageous, fearless lives. In fact that is the life of faith.

There are many methods to release the fear.

Walking with God is walking without fear in union and harmony to the universe. Walking without fear is the thing that God reckons as righteousness - just as he did to Abraham. Walking without fear and unaware of the nature of the universe is also missing the mark.

The world around us is constantly trying to sell to our fears to make a profit from us.

Game theory is from the perspective of utter depravity - I will do always do selfish behaviour. Without a mechanism of removing fear a religion / way is dead.

Legalism is practiced by many people. It is prescriptive without insight. It motivates by fear. It focuses on insecurity. It kills.

Grace is practiced by a few people. It is insightful, and gives a few pointers to typically good behaviour. It focuses on security.

Many people who claim to be in the grace camp are not. They are unaware of their insecurity - their fear of death and hence fear of life. They still need to control so preach legalism.

A legalist can interpret a graceful message legalistically. Someone under grace can interpret a legalistic message gracefully. It is an orientation of the heart.

To move from legalism into grace you have to let go of / release the fear. If you suppress the fear you move further into legalism. Legalists are hard work. There are "Christian" legalists and "non-Christian" legalists. There are those who are under grace who believe in Christ and those who don't. Eternal consequences are based on the degree of acceptance of Grace not on the degree of acceptance of doctrine.

Grace does not invalidate good doctrine. It does challenge bad doctrine. Doctrine does not empower the legalist. Doctrine does inform the graceful. The fearful mindset is fuelled even further by doctrine. Love overcomes fear.

There is often an internal battle between fear and love. Love begets love. Fear begets fear. Often people are in chains to fear because of a lack of imagination. Love can be grasped through imagination. Imagination is that which is outside our experience.


All around us our experiences typically cause us to fear. Fear does not lead to happiness. Desire fulfilled does not fulfil. Desire remains, and remains, and remains. A way to be free from desire is to release it to let it go. Desire is the fear that something is missing, that we don't have all that we need. James talks about desires.

The technology of releasing and letting go is something that contemporary Christian's are largely unaware of, although it is practiced by those who practice spiritual disciplines and can be found in the traditions. The Bible refers to the fruits of releasing, and provides a story that encourages it. It maybe that the story is sufficient to become holy. I don't know. I wasn't sufficiently committed to it to find out. I've used many sources to find how to become increasingly fearless.

Much of my own salvation and sanctification has not come through the contemporary Christian message. From a solely Christian perspective I am one the outside. From the perspective of the message of Jesus I have been born again and am increasingly walking in the way.

God is love. God is more than love. He is light. And he created well. He reached out to a nation that he established as the Jews and demonstrated he love to them that their story might save all. Knowledge of God does not only come through knowledge of that story however I suspect that someone enlightened who read the story for the first time would acknowledge it's truth. It is not an exclusive story. Paul went to great lengths to explain to the Jews that it wasn't. Today we've made it an exclusively Christian story. But it's not. Its God's story. It belongs to him and he wishes to save all.

People wish to make it exclusive as they fear there is a limited supply of God's love. Their desire / want for God's love fuels a self centred belief. They act out of this belief and the legalist in them justifies their behaviour to themselves. However the truth is that God’s love in infinite is not limited and is poured out on all men to those who wish to be free and happy.

The gospel is good news but has no need to be exclusive. Grace is exclusive. It recognises that fear and sin lead to destruction – Self destruction and Other destruction at minimum. Grace has to be exclusive. There are two forces at war in our innermost person. On the unconscious level as well as the conscious level. Grace recognises this. Legalism doesn’t understand this. Legalism is a defence mechanism and leads to inflexible thinking.

Grace frees. Freedom is where happiness is found, where peace and rest is found, where love and sharing is found, where fearless and courageous living is found.

You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

Thanks be to God who is able to guide us into all truth and freedom, away from law and into a wonder life. Amen

Reconstruction

For a while I've been saying to my friends that I don't believe in reconstruction. Some of the "emerging" church movement stuff has bothered me - in particular the new ideas of how to do church, the bandwagons such as being missional, etc.

I now realise why I don't believe in reconstruction. It's because I believe that as you strip away the rubbish you've constructed you are left with what is. God. Creation.

The real problem is our feeling of lack and then our wanting to construct something to fill the perceived void. Instead of sitting with the feeling a while and allowing ourselves to just look for what has already been provided our insecurity drives us to be active. Construction or reconstruction is from this perspective totally sinful.

Heresey?

What if sin is the fear of death?

What if the serpent did lie when he said you will surely die?

What if everything after that point was written from the perspective that we did die?

What if the mindset that we are dead or that death is inevitable is fallenness?

What if the Gospel is about escaping that mindset and the fruits of it?

What if the Gospel is about new life?

What if the message of the Gospel is that there is no death?

What if the idea of needing to perform a special ritual to escape death is just an immature ego manifesting as a religious mindest?

Just a thought..

<Smile>

My journey

At the moment I'm not in a church. I'm hearing messages from church that this is sinful and wrong. However I am convinced that this period of seperation is a vital componenet of my journey. And I hold that view no matter what. I know I'm still loved by God and that I'm still in relationship. All the apocalyptic things just aren't happening to me and they just aren't going to. You see my strength no longer comes from an Other. It comes from inside. And I am determined to give back more than I take. So learning to be self-dependent is important and it is hard to learn that in an environment that encourages dependency.

I have no choice. I have to take an opposing stand to the docterine of the church. Not that I think it is wrong. It is just getting in the way of me growing up.